Raining Tears
by Kittycatgirl0
Summary: Peeta hasn't survived the stunt with the berries. Katniss has to deal with the grief, but Panem gets over it faster than Katniss. After all, you're not supposed to mourn those dead in the Games. Follows Katniss mourning her first love and other predicaments as she follows on with life. T because I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I don't have much to say. Just, um, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Me no own so you no sue! (ironically I got this disclaimer line from Jenifer (storyfriik), go look at her stories she's freakin amazing who actually got it from another fanfiction writer who I don't know the username of.)**

"The previous rule change has been revisited and after further consideration, it's been… revoked." Caesar Flickerman almost sounds a bit… Sad? Or maybe more pitiful? I don't know. I stare at Peeta.

"Katniss…" He throws his knife into the water as I notch an arrow in my bow. I look at him in shock, expecting him to try and kill me too. "Just do it. We both know I can't live without you."

"I…" I thrust my bow and arrows at him. "No, you."

"Katniss…"

"Don't 'Katniss' me, Mr." He tosses the bow into the lake. Blind madness overcomes me. I tuck my head between my knees, fuming. At the Capitol. At the Games. At their need to- to kill- to terrorize the districts with their damn "victor". Victor. Ha, right. Now they'll break the poor Capitol citizens hearts by making us kill each other. Boo hoo. All because they can only have one victor. Wait. One victor. They can't have two, or three- just one. They must get their victor. A smile comes to my face as my plan forms. I pull out the berries, dark as night, glistening with juice.

"Katniss! No!" Peeta tries to knock the berries out of my hand. I hold out my hand. His terrified eyes widen, revealing he understands my plan. He takes two of the four berries.

"On three. One."

"Two"

"Three." I close my eyes and pop the berries in my mouth. I don't chew, knowing what Caesar will say next. But Peeta hasn't thought about this as much as I have. He chews but waits a second.

"May I announce the victors of this year's Hunger Games from District Twe— Wait what?" As he chewed, some juices accidentally entered his stomach. Still choking out the juice myself, I close my eyes like it won't have happened if I pretend it' all just a bad dream, like if I pretend he won't be limp on the floor without a pulse. Like the lively Peeta I love will come back, sitting up and laughing, saying it's all a big prank. But he doesn't. My entire body is numb, I'm barely aware of the white-hot tears rushing down my scratched face. I am jolted back to reality as Caesar booms, "May I announce the victor of this year's Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen!" A ladder comes down, and I black out, falling onto it.

I wake up in a helicopter, strapped into a bed. The red haired Avox leans over me, a look of concern crossing her pale face. I allow myself to hold hope. Maybe the Capitol saved him. "Is he alive?" The Avox rubs my shoulder as she hesitantly shakes her head no. I tear up, and she pats my shoulder compassionately. Almost as if she knows exactly what I'm going through. I realize- she does. That boy, maybe a brother, maybe a lover, was close to her. She knows exactly what I'm going through. "I'm sorry." She shakes her head no. Meaning I couldn't save them? I'll never know. Apparently my room is being monitored, because a drug is injected in my arm and the world goes black.

**Ok, a bit short, but the rest will be longer. This is just an intro chapter, and I would write longer, but I have to go and here seemed like a good place to stop. Although I will upload every other day, if I get five+ reviews or a chapter I will upload the next one. **

**Hugs,**

**Kittycatgirl0**


	2. Chapter 2

**So guys I want to thank bestdamnthing and futureauthor2012 for following me. You thank them too, I wouldn't have done an early upload otherwise. BTW the reason I changed the description was because I changed my mind.**

**Disclaimer: After reading fanfiction for a long time I have realized I don't own the Hunger Games and neither does anyone else but Suzanne Collins.**

Katniss POV

I wake up. Waves of emotion suddenly come over me. First sadness, then all-consuming hatred and anger. Hatred for the Capitol, for not saving him. For creating these sick Games in the first place. I'm no longer in the hospital room on the helicopter. There's no longer a large range of straps and metal bars holding me in. Just a simple metal band over my stomach and some tubes in my arm. I look over to my bedside table. There is a meager meal of applesauce and water. The applesauce is almost gone, and as I wonder who could've wanted my dinner, I see a small note tucked under the edge of the bowl.

_445627._

_-Haymitch_

Short and to the point. Emphasis on short. I puzzle over what 445627 could mean when my eye is caught by the metal band on my stomach. I feel along it, hoping for a dial or something. A small nub catches my eye, only about a centimeter in diameter. It's a perfect circle. I feel along the side of it and realize there are numbers carved in, and a small engraved line off the nub. I try spinning it. To my surprise, it's just a normal combo lock. I suspect its planned, as when the combo dings, I realize it's not opening. Instead, a small metal plate slides from the center of the band. A control panel is revealed, like a game controller with controls for moving the back up and down. I try a button and discover this thing can drive! I rip the tubes out of my arm and drive to the door. It takes a few minutes to figure out how to navigate, but I eventually make my way down the hall after an hour of tricky maneuvers and crashes. After a weird turn around to get close to the first door I see, I bang my fist on the door. My intention is to make a sound as loud as possible, but I stop after a minute in pain. The result is a weak tapping sound. I'm much weaker than I thought. My fist, as I look at, has rapid forming bruises on the knuckles as if I'd punched a rock wall. Apparently, somebody must have heard though because the door creaks open. I have no idea who will be there, and don't realize I'm holding my breath until I let out a sigh of relief. It's only Cinna. I try to reach up and hug him, but the band won't let me.

"Hey Kat, how are you doing?" he asks kindly.

"Been better." He wheels my bed into a spacious area. I have no idea where we are, but there's a couple sofas and an armchair.

"Katniss. Exactly who I've been wanting to speak to," a slick voice says, carrying with it the sickening scent of cloyingly sweet roses. I recognize it instantly.

"Ah, my old buddy, President Snow," I dryly quip.

"We meet again." The tension is so thick you could cut it with an arrow, "We've much to discuss. But your stylist requires you."

A smile comes to my face. I realize I haven't smiled in ages. Not since my stupid plan. If it wasn't for that plan, I'd be dead and Peeta would be standing here as a victor. The smile vanishes from my face. "Ready to go?" Cinna breaks me out of my trance.

"Ah, oh, yes." I follow him to a glamorous room. He hands me to my prep team and they all start crying and hugging me. But I don't feel like talking. All is say is, "I like your new skin tone, Octavia," and I can relax. They wax me again and I wince. They trim my hair, each give me a kiss on the cheek, and hand me over to Cinna.

Cinna smiles when he sees me. "Hey, you want some lunch?" I suddenly realize I'm starving, never having gotten to eat my applesauce.

"Most definitely." I reply. He leads me into a dining room strikingly like the room I first had lunch with him in. I realize it is.

"So you glad to be our lucky victor?" Cinna dryly asks. The lack of humor in this ridiculous statement tells me he doesn't mean exactly what he says. He's asking if I'm ok with the whole Peeta thing. I decide to be blatantly honest.

"No, not exactly. I feel as if it's my fault."

"Not at all."

"But- he'd be so much better at all of this. This public speaking and speeches and stuff."

"Remember what I told you. You're fine at public speaking."

"I still wish-" He interrupts me.

"What about Prim?"

"I guess you're right."

"He'd want you to be here Katniss. Trust me, he would. He doesn't have anybody that needs him, unlike you."

I stare into Cinna's brown eyes for a minute, trying to read them. They're all compassion, like a father's. "I need him." Cinna doesn't say anything. He envelops me in a hug.

Cinna leads me back into my prep room. He pulls out a dress in a bag. He pulls it out, and with the sadness in his eyes, I can tell it's not of his choice. Maybe this is what he and President Snow were talking about. It's bright red and full of gemstones on the bottom half, all orange and yellow, mimicking flames. It doesn't have Cinna's normal passion and genius. The neckline plunges lower than anything I've ever worn before. It trails the floor, and I get stunning heels to go with it. As Cinna slips it on, I notice the padding on my chest, giving me a skintight hourglass shape. As he gives me smoky eye makeup, I look at the mirror, then at Cinna's angry expression masked with a fake smile for my benefit. I see how much more—grown up. Mature. Like a twenty one year old rather than a sixteen year old. I look like I'm going on a date, not to see my ally and former boyfriend die again. Former boyfriend. Does that make him my ex? No- just a former boyfriend. Nice and simple.

Cinna squeezes my hand and guides me out to the stage. An ornately designed chair of gold and red velvet sits in the middle of the room, along with a giant movie theater screen. I close my eyes and steel myself for the viewing. "I almost forgot," He pins my mockingjay over my heart and hugs me, "Stay strong, my mockingjay." I hug him back.

I walk over to Caesar, suddenly glad for Effie's training. As if I mind-summoned her somehow, she shows up and hugs me.

"We have a big, big, big day tomorrow honey! Congratulations. Don't stay out late!" I laugh a bit. Something so normal-seeming when I fucked up my life so badly. Killing my boyfriend. Losing my almost-sister. Volunteering to get killed. It's all so surreal. And now I'm being led onstage by Caesar and he seems to understand, squeezing my hand ever so slightly.

The three hours pass in a blur. It's like watching strangers, somebody who looks just like me falling in love with the perfect guy. Somebody like Rue, like my sister, being speared in the stomach. A snarky blond boy seeming the enemy but turning into just another of the Capitol's victims when he's almost eaten to death by wolves. None of these people were ever my enemy, I realize. None of them. Except for the Capitol. Except for Snow.

I go straight into another room with Caesar for my interview. **(I know the interview and viewing were at different times in the book but I didn't feel like creating two dresses and wanted to do them in one chapter)** He mostly asks me meaningless questions, but the last one actually has a right and wrong answer. He asks if I had Gale, who a lot of people had identified as my best friend, was my boyfriend at home whom I was cheating on. I know what happens to attractive victors, and the way I've been dressed? I can't answer that he's just a friend. "He's my—cousin. Yes, cousin."

"Ahh, so you're single?"

"I guess so." He avoids the subject of Peeta entirely. He may have been given special instructions too.

"Well, with that, I must sign off. This is Caesar Flickerman and Katniss Everdeen. Good night, Panem!"

**Hugs,**

**Kittycatgirl0**


	3. Chapter 3

**If you don'**t **understand last chapter, this chapter should clear things up. Also whoever is reading this in Sweden, hi! I don't want to make a joke about Swedish fish because that would be completely not funny as most of my jokes are so just hi! Also peeps: Each person that follows this story will get a point. Each time you review, is 2 points. Favoriting also 2 pts. For 10 total points all ten of you or whatever get, I will give you 1 hint as to what will happen next. AIR HUGS TO EVERYONE! Also shout out to B4nana98 for following me this read her stories! Plus you get a hint from my followers- Listen to A Team by Ed Sheeran.**

**Disclaimer: Me:Hey Suzanne? Hey Suzanne? Hey Suzanne? Hey Suzanne?**

**Suzanne Collins: What!?**

**Me:botherbotherbotherbotherbotherbotherbotherbothe rbotherbotherotherbother**

**Suzanne Collins: What do I have to do to get you to stop?**

**Me: Give me the Hunger Games**

**Suzanne Collins: NEVER!**

** Me: botherbotherbotherbotherbother…**

Gale's POV

*This fastforwards to when she gets home*

A shiny Capitol train pulls up. I have no idea why, maybe to bring my "cousin", Katniss. Why would she want all of Panem thinking I was her cousin? The train door slides open. It's much more glamorous than the usual coal trains we get out here, more intended for luxury rather than work. As people begin to mob the train, I know it must be Katniss' return. I'm correct. A team of photographers records her glitzy return. People she doesn't know hug her, and I can tell by the look on her face she's confused and maybe a bit frightened. The Capitol has obviously dressed her; she's wearing another gown like the one she wore for her interview. This one is short, tight, strapless, and covered in sparkles. Something my Kat would never pick out. She searches the crowd, I assume for her mother and sister, when she rushes forward suddenly. I realize she's all of a sudden picking up Prim and spinning her around. She gives her a bear hug. She takes a closer look at Prim. Although I've made sure to give them game during the month she was away, Prim looks older. Matured. Her skinny form has changed much. Gaunt cheekbones, visible ribs. I haven't been able to hunt much, only on the days I don't have work. Today everybody's off. After hugging her mother, telling them she loves them and such, she scans the crowd again. Once again, her eyes light up. She must see—Madge? Me? Neither. She runs over to Posy and gives her a big hug. Then she looks back up to me, and of course I get a hug too. Then the mobs enclose in on her.

The next day is Sunday, so I go out to the woods. I'm almost hopeful Katniss will show up. I wait a half hour, eating my tesserae ration bread as slowly as possible. No surprise, she's not here. I realize she probably can't come out to the woods. I hunt for a while, at first stockpiling a few rabbits for the Everdeens until I remember they're now loaded. I make out well today, with three rabbits from my snare and a few fish. I hurry home at noon, hoping I can spend some time with my family. I decide since I'm her cousin now, it's ok for me to stop by Katniss' house. I drop the game off for my mother to skin; she's been doing it for much longer than I have and is much more skilled at it. I jog over to the Everdeen's house, cursing the fact that she isn't my neighbor anymore. I get over to the Victor's Village, and knock on their door. Prim bounds up and opens it.

"Hey Gale!" She greets me, "Looking for Katniss? Or just coming to see your cousins?" I laugh.

"Nope, just looking for Catnip."

"Oh, she's not here. They took her back to the Capitol right after they finished filming her reunion with her family and such garbage." My heart drops. I had been hoping to get to talk to her alone. Away from all the cameras. "She left a note for you though." Prim hands me a sealed envelope.

_Gale,_

_Sorry I can't go out to the woods on Sunday, as I'm sure Prim's told you, they need me in the Capitol for business. I have a meeting with the Prez. Anyway, I don't know if I can go again. I'll be back on Wednesday. Can we meet at my old house at 2 on Sunday?_

_Catnip_

A meeting with the President? Can't be good. I jog back home, shoving the note in my pocket. I walk in and Posy screams "GALE's HOME!" Rory, Vick and Posy all crowd around and hug me. Mom is closer to height, and gives me a hug when all the kids shoo. Rory drags me over to his room and pushes Vick out. I roll my eyes.

"What now?" I ask.

"Did you make a move on Katniss?"

"What? No! I told you, I don't like her that wa-"

"GALE LIKES KATNISS, GALE LIKES KATNISS!" Rory yells. I lightly punch him in the arm. "Hey that hurt!"

"Can't take a punch?" I joke. He laughs.

Katniss' POV

I hope Gale's found my note. I curse myself for writing that I have a meeting with the president. Now Gale will want details, details I can't give.

_*Flashback*_

_I wipe my sweat on my simple jeans. I'm still wearing my father's hunting jacket, no dressing up for me. "Ahh, Katniss. The president grins. How are you doing?"_

"_Fine, I guess."_

"_We have much to discuss." I raise my eyebrows. "Here, I believe that some other people can explain it better." I'm led out to the terrace. I study the area, which reveals I'm alone. The moonlight casts an eerie shadow on the stones. Out of the bushes, a handsome District Two victor emerges. I can't say I haven't seen this coming._

"_Hello, Katniss." The victor's tone tells me she's sad. Sad? Or- piteous? "I'm Mystique." Mystique. Sounds familiar. She won the 67__th__ HG. "I'm sure the President has told you of a deal? I'm not sure if you've heard of me, but I know you've heard of Finnick O'dair." Finnick? Internationally known womanizer and sex symbol? I knew what was coming, but I'd never classed myself with him. The disgust on my face must show. "You have to. If you don't- well, first your cousins, then your friends, your mother, and your sister last. All accidents, of course. A mine accident, a bit of poisonous berries in somebody's tea for the sake of irony… Leaving you like old Haymitch. Constantly drunk, on drugs… it's not pretty. Alone." I'm scared out of my wits. Like Haymitch? That's suddenly more terrifying than the Games. I crack up. Mystique is quite confused._

"_I- never mind, I get it."_

"_Well then, I'll send you back in." As I stride back in, I barely catch the last word Mystique says. "Negotiate."_

"Katniss? Katniss? Earth to Katniss?" Cinna waves his hand in front of my face.

"Wha?"

"You fell asleep. We'll be back in District 12 in a half hour."

"Oh. Ok." I run back to my room, packing up the few clothes I had brought.

_After our meeting, I discovered he was so confident I'd say yes that he booked me appointments. Lots of appointments. I'd listened to Mystique, and I smooth talked my way out of any physical contact until I was 18. Negotiation. As soon as I was out of his office, a stylist, sadly not Cinna, showed up. Her bright green curls stood out against her china-like skin. It was pale and looked obviously altered, though it was still a bit more natural than bright green skin. Her entire neck was covered in designs, flowers and such. Her eyes were an unnatural, alien looking shade of lavender with silver specks. She looked, frankly, like a creature from another planet. She, I discover, has only come to drop off my dress and instruct the prep team. Happily, I see Octavia, Flavius, and Venia jump through the door. I jump up too and give them a giant hug._

_The next hour was spent in excruciating pain and boredom. I got my hair waxed again and about five baths in different soothing serums, oils, etc- and all through it, the prep team talks. They ask who my date is with. Date? They've been told- oh. They think I have a real date. I tell them I don't know, but they bother me endlessly. To shut them up, I promise I'll tell them all the gossip I hear and all about it after. Whatever. I turn the subject to Venia's hairstyle, and I don't have to answer any more questions. That is, other than the occasional, "Are you a fan of leopard print with purple, or gold?" or such. I answer randomly._

_The prep team styles my hair and pulls out a dress. It's long, tight down to the mid-thigh, where it flares out. There's a rhinestone band in the middle, and the neckline is low. It cuts into a sweetheart. I must look at least not thrilled, because Octavia says, "You look wonderful baby. Hey, don't worry! You are going on a date. Here, let's take your picture." I try my hardest to smile. I know this will be all over Panem in a couple days. They quickly reapply my lipstick and send me out to the limo._

_The first date proves to be repulsive. An older man, maybe in his late thirties. Slightly beefy, in the way that says fat, not muscle. We go out to a restaurant, and then he takes me ballroom dancing. I'm a terrible dancer, and he looks as if he's known how to dance since he was two, but isn't graceful at all. His movements are stiff and calculated. I feel his arms travel up and down, and I can tell he's feeling me up. I grab his hand and move it to my shoulder. He looks embarrassed, and notices its 6 o'clock. He escorts me outside. The next date goes quickly, this time a fifty year old man taking me roller skating. He tries to kiss me, and I push him off me. I leave, taking the limo and leaving him without a ride. I'm taken to Mystique's Capitol house. The chauffeur tells me I'll get my own house soon enough._

_Later that night, I ask Mystique to use her phone. She's actually quite nice. I can't remember her games well, I was only 9. I call up Prim. I don't know if it's her voice, or the stress of the night, but I don't say anything. I just break out crying. "K-katniss? Are you ok?" I don't answer, but she can tell it's me. "Do you want me to get Gale? Mom?" I only want to speak to her._

"_N-no, just you." I can hear her start to cry on the other end. I smile. My darling. My sweet, tiny, Prim. Crying for no reason, just because I'm crying. _

"_Why are you crying, Kat?"_

"_Oh, darling, don't worry."_

"_I'm not four. I'm twelve, thirteen soon."_

"_Oh, I can't explain on the phone—we'll have to go back to the old house. It's-"_

"_I know. Just remember you can't keep your troubles to yourself, ok, Kat?"_

"_M'kay. Thanks, Prim."_

"_I love you. Bye!" The phone disconnects as soon as she says goodbye._

_I sigh and whisper, "Good night Prim."_

**So, SUPER long. I'm sorry it took me so long to get it out but I couldn't find a good place to stop and I wanted to get this chapter just right. I also just started school. Love you guys! BTW I will write the next chapter but I can't continue a story without feedback. I need just 1 review, and then I'll post it ASAP. PLEASE! The only review I have is one I wrote myself to see how it'd work. THANK YOU! Remember it's easy, even if you're a guest! One minutes. Sixty seconds. The average person lives for about 80 years. That's 41932800 minutes. I'm only asking for 1/41932800 of your life, you've probably spent more reading this fanfiction. I've taken a lot of time to write this, and I just want a bit of time back to know you don't all hate it. **

**Hugs and sorry for trying to guilt trip y'all,**

**Kittycatgirl0**


	4. Chapter 4

**HI GUYS! As you can tell I was feeling a bit melodramatic last chapter. I was having one of those self-esteem lows that girls get, y'know. But anyway, I decided to write it tonight because HGF34567 who's really sweet gave me an awesome review. Check out her stories, my favorite is Fragments. I also just went to my story page to see her name and my eyes popped out of my head! I saw that I just got like 25 more views in the period of fifty minutes! I'm on cloud ten!**

Prim's POV

I'm worried about Katniss. She'll get home soon, and after her phone call, and the crying—I don't know what to expect. I just hope she decides to trust me and tell me. I know Mom will just worry, so I don't tell her. I just tell a white lie, and say she's ok. Doing great. But I think this white lie might snowball. I can tell this is big.

I realize her train is scheduled to come in a few minutes, so I grab Mom and my boots. We run out the door of our new home. Itching to talk to her, I drag Mom to the train station in a full sprint. On the way, we grab Hazelle and the kids. Gale is mining. He refuses to take our money, even though he knows he doesn't have to work so hard if he'd just accept our help. They're just as excited to see Kat, they haven't seen her since before the Games. Well, other than physically seeing her. They didn't get to talk.

Katniss' POV

I jump off the train and run into Prim's arms. She hugs me back. I study her. Every bag under her eye. The worn expression that shows in her eyes. I couldn't protect her from the Games. Not even by almost dying could I protect her. These games, they don't just change the victor. They're like death for the family. I hug Prim. I only got ten minutes at home, and haven't gotten to talk to her.

"How'd Mom hold up?" I whisper, scared for the response. Silent tears drip down her face.

"She tried to- to kill herself. She couldn't bear it." I'm furious, but I remain a calm demeanor for her. I smooth her hair and remind her that I love her so much. Then I march over to my mom.

"You- you- I'm so disappointed. You promised to hold it together. What if I had died? What if you had died? Who'd be her guardian? Not the Hawthornes. They've too many mouths to feed already. She'd have gone in the kids' home. That was so selfish, and irresponsible, and-" I realize everyone's staring at me. I've been shouting at her. Screaming. All the while crying. I hug her. "I'm sorry. And—I love you, Mom." She smiles. For the first time in a while, I assume, she smile. True joy shows on her face. I hug her tighter.

Hazelle and the kids run up to me. They all hug me, a giant bear hug. They're like my family. I tell them we'll catch up later, and I have to talk to Prim. I grab Prim and drag her to our old house. I tell her I promised I would tell her, and I don't break promises. Not to Prim. Not to anyone. Oh, wait. I have. To Peeta.

Every time I look at my hands, I know his blood is still stained on them. NO matter how many times I try to wash them, no soap can clean me of my guilt. But as I get closer, I know I have to tell her. She's old enough to know of the Capitol's evils. I take a deep breath in and begin.

"You have to promise that whatever you hear come out of my mouth, no matter how bad it gets, you won't try to make me stop. You have to promise." I almost have second thoughts, but I push them back. I can't keep it all penned in.

"Ok. I promise," she tells me, breathy and on edge. Anxious.

"It all started with that dress I wore at my viewing and interviews. You know how I looked like a—"

"Slut? Prostitute?" She's ahead of me. I laugh.

"Exactly. I realized that to the president, since I'm not technically in a relationship anymore, I'm available. He called me back to the Capitol a few days ago, and he sent me outside to another victor with the same fate as I. You understand what I mean?" She nods silently. "Yes. She explained that if I don't do it, they'll hurt my family. Kill you all. I couldn't let that happen. Drag my problems into your lives. I'm sure you've heard about Finnick Odair?" She nods again. She must have heard the rumors. "Well, I'll trn into a reincarnation of him. I had eight appointments this week, that's why I got back home so late. I'll have to go back in three days." I let that sink in. I'm glad I got this off my chest.  
"Katniss—wow. Just—thank you. It's hard to process."

"We have to go back. It's getting late."

**Woah. Just woah. She told Prim! YAY! 45 VIEWS TODAY! 63 total. I'm so happy! Good night so I can go jump on my bed in joy.**

**Hugs,**

**Kittycatgirl101**


	5. Chapter 5

**I had a super busy week of school, but I'll get another chapter up this weekend. By the way, anybody know how to learn Spanish in three days? Review and tell me how, I have to catch up for a Spanish class that's far ahead of me. : [**

**Disowner:BLAHBLAHBLAH NO OWN! SAD **

**I know my updates are few and far between, but I'm so stressed- ugh. **

Katniss' POV

Prim and I walk back in silence. Her mouth is smiling, but her eyes are not. I flash back to the gaunt seven year old, eyes empty. Hungry. Wanting a father and having only her twelve year old sister. She's gone through so much. I regret telling her, but she could've sensed the weight and worry gnawing at me. She doesn't need another worry right now. Not on top of all the others. A death threat? Not such a good idea to tell her about. She's twelve. She should be worrying about boys and homework and friends, not her life. I can't even imagine what she's going through.

Prim's POV

I'm so worried about Katniss. She luckily performs well under pressure, or this would break her to pieces. She's already starting to crack, I can tell. She'd never tell me something like this normally. She doesn't let things out, but the thought of losing her whole family? She couldn't help it. I can't imagine what she's going through.

Katniss' POV

I understand why Prim is silent, but it was so much easier for me to process. It seemed simple: Do what Snow says or he'll kill. After the Games, and Rue, Peeta, all those people who died. Could've been Prim. Death became a reality to me. Even more so than when my father died. I guess killing makes the deaths real. Shoves them in your face, like a slap. It stings, and you can't deny it happened. You realized it's impossible to let anyone else die at your hand. It seems concrete, the opposite of a deniable family member's death. I wanted to believe my dad had gotten out of the mine and couldn't come back to us. Had amnesia. But I couldn't say I thought that the boy from one had survived the shot, but I'd seen his heart stop beating. Seen his form slump to the ground. I wanted to say Cato was saved by the Capitol, but I had felt the cold, hard string digging into my finger as I let the arrow fly, knowing I never missed. Knowing the Capitol didn't revive the dead. I'm snapped from reality by Prim. "Kat. Kat! Thom wants to talk to you."

"Oh, sorry. Hi, what do you need?" I'm surprised, Thom doesn't talk to me when Gale and I run into him on the street. Just Gale

"Hey, Gale wanted me to ask you to pick something up from my house. He couldn't get it himself." I mentally run through my appointments.

"Uhh, sure, does eight on Sunday work?"

"Ok, I'll tell Gale." We're normally hunting at eight, but Gale will understand. He does need it, after all. Whatever it is.

**TIME TRAVEL TO SUNDAY!**

I meet up with Gale in the woods. It's about 7:30, and I know going to Thom's will be a quick exit from the inevitable conversation. I see Gale waiting at our meeting place. I run over soundlessly, and hide behind a tree. I creep up, and quickly cover his eyes with my hands. He half screams, then realizes it's me and laughs. "You scream like a girl!" I tell him, in the midst of peals of laughter. He hugs me, and I realize how much I've missed him. I notice things I've never noticed before, his smoky smell, the warmth of his body, how my head fits perfectly in his chest. Gale pulls away and has a suspicious look on his face.  
"What business do you have with the President, anyway? Does it have to do with the Games?"  
"Of a sort. Hey, no hi, glad you didn't die?"  
"Don't avert my question."  
"Oh it was nothing. Don't worry about it."  
"Katniss, tell me."  
" I have to go back to pick something up from Thom's."  
"Not till you answer me." He grabs my arm. He's scaring me. I pull away, and he grips my arm tighter. I notice something wet on my arm. He does to, because he pulls it away. Red droplets prick my arm from his grip. I'm really scared now. I get up and run. He's not as light as me, and can't run as fast. He grabs a bow and loads it, pointing it at me. I taught him to shoot the bow, and he doesn't miss often either. "Tell me!"

"Katniss! Katniss!" He never calls me Katniss. I'm terrified and run faster. I slide under the fence and decide I might as well go to Thom's. He's nice. Not going to hurt me. I keep jogging. It's the third place he'll look for me—my old house, my new house, then here. I plan to go to the Hob after this. I knock on Thom's door, gasping for breath. He answers it.

"Katniss? What's wrong? You're crying."

"I am? Oh, sorry."

"Don't.. Are you bleeding?"

"Just a little cut,"

"No, let me clean you up." He walks me to the kitchen and washes my cuts. "Are these fingernail marks?"

"Yeah."  
"Katniss? Thom? Are you there? I need to talk to Kat." It's him. Gale. I'm still terrified.  
"Please don't let him in," I whisper.  
"I won't," Thom replies, "Gale, Kat sounds pretty scared. And she's bleeding. Come back later for the shit you wanted."  
"I need to talk to her." I know he's not giving up.  
"I'll go talk to him." My voice cracks.  
"You sure?" Thom asks. He's suprisingly nice, I assume he knows what Gale can be like.  
" Yes."

"Gale? Hello."  
"Katniss, I'm sorry." For grabbing you, the whole thing with the bow- I just hate it when you don't tell me things.  
"Gale, I don't know what to say." My voice is quiet, frightened- like it's trying to shrink into a corner. "I'm just trying to protect you. Everyone. Prim, Mom, Hazelle, the Hob- all of you die if I don't tread carefully. If I step on a mine, boom. We all blow up and die. I regret telling Prim already, and I don't make mistakes twice." Tears are welling in my eyes.  
"You told Prim and you won't tell me?"  
"It was a mistake. I needed to talk to someone, and Prim was the only one I could ca-" He grabs both my hands. But not in the way of somebody who cares about you. His eyes were darker than normal, his expression slightly maniacal. It would be funny if I hadn't been so afraid. Thom grabs him from behind. Gale makes some noise- a growl? He knocks him back. I'm terrified of Gale. He's changed. Not the Gale I met in the woods, who became my partner. Not the Gale who joked, not the Gale who showed me exactly how to set a snare right. This Gale was had gone a bit mad. Thom stands up. I stare at him, my eyes pleading. He seems to understand. He bolts out the door and comes back a minute later. Hazelle with him.  
"Let go of me, Gale." I try to not seem frightened, masking my voice's shaking. But he's a hunter, and can sense fear. Hazelle takes the scene in. My olive skin gone pale white, the drops of red emerging on my hand. Gale staring at me. Hazelle comes up beside him and grabs his shoulder, seeming to snap him out of it.  
"Mom, it's not what it looks like-"  
" Considering Thom said you just growled at him, I believe it's exactly what it looks like." He buries his face in his hands. Hazelle stands up and hugs me. I fall into her arms, she's like a mother to me.  
"I'm sorry, baby."  
"S'okay."  
"No, it's not. Stay at home on Sundays, please?" I know she's right.  
"Ok. Thanks." Hazelle tries to walk me home, but I won't let her. I walk back to the Victor's Village.

"Kat, why are you back so soo-" Prim sees the dots of blood on my father's hunting jacket and understands. She begins to clean my arm, then in alarm, calls for mom.  
"How did this happen Kat? You're shaking."  
"G-g"  
"Gale? What?" I'm done talking. I realize Im much more scared than I was in the Games. Since it was so personal, I assume.  
"Katniss, how'd this happen?" my mom asks.  
"She says Gale," Prim replies for me. They begin to play doctor.  
"Kat, he pierced a vein." I assume this means large amounts of blood, and I'm now even more fearful of Gale. Did he position his hands to pierce the vein on purpose? My thoughts are jumbled. I don't understand much else my mom and Prim say. They bandage it up. I decide to go frequent the Hob, against Prim's arguments. I see Gale carrying around a game bag. Surprised his mommy didn't keep him locked up. He approaches me.  
"You pierced a vein. Good job." I walk away feeling superior, and begin to buy things. Soup from Greasy Sae, shoelaces, a coat for Prim. I'm especially certain to get a few cakes and dozens of cheese buns from the bakery. Then, I offer them a hundred if Graham, Peeta's older brother, will help me carry my stuff home. It's much more than I'd normally offer, but I practically killled their son.  
"What happened to your arm?" He asks.  
"Gale." I reply. We're at my house, so I unload him into the kitchen, thank him, and dismiss all his questions. I also tell him not to tell people I told him that. I won't kill Hazelle and the kids for what Gale did. It would make it impossible for him to sell in the Hob if it got around.

**Thanks for reading! I have un plot twiste majore (damn good fake spanish there) planned. DuhhRAMA! XD  
Hugs,  
kittycatgirl0  
And yo hint is... Blurred lines by Robin Thicke. Go listen to it even if you think you know it.**

**K guys, side note, pray for all the people who died in DC at the shooting. My aunt works there and is normally on the level they were shooting on, but she had a dentist's appointment by pure dumb luck. She personally knew a few of the people who died. Thanks.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chaptuh! Oh ya, Ima start a new Doctor Who- Hunger Games crossover. Super excitedful! Oh ya, disclaimer, I don't own it, all dat crap.**

It's Friday, and I decide to help out Hazelle and her family. I have nothing better to do. I grab my hunting boots, bag, and jacket and run to the woods. I have to be back by 12 for a Capitol train. I scoot under the fence. My bag is packed, so I'll stay out till 10:30. I grab my bow and arrows and easily shoot a rabbit. I check the snares and reset them, discovering four more rabbits. I gather some more strawberries and realize it's already ten. I head back, and go to the Seam. I jog up to Hazelle's house and knock. She welcomes me, and we chat as I give her the game. Unbeknownst to her, I've slid in 10 coins. Gale would be offended, but Hazelle won't turn down good money. Gale. We steer clear of him as we chat. About anything. Gossip. Posy's school. I help her wash and fold laundry. I notice the time. It's 11:45! I'm so late. "I'd help you more, but I'm leaving again at 12." I dash home, grab my bag, kiss Prim goodbye and sprint to the train station. I'm there just in time. The train pulls up and I flop in. How miserable my life has become. My first appointment flies by. The man tries to undress me, but I strictly remind him of the rules.

He laughs, and says, "Maybe next time, honey." He winks. I don't like the sound of this.  
An hour later, I'm walking back to Mystique's place. I'll get my own soon enough. The man from earlier walks past me and spins around, greeting me. "There's no rules out here, darling." He smiles, a lusty look that I can't stand. He pins me up against a pink wall. "You know you want to." He kisses me, biting my lower lip to prompt me to open my mouth. I don't do it. He bites harder. I still won't. This can't be happening. Finally, he bites hard enough to make me start bleeding. I unwillingly open my mouth, and he effectively pushes me down to an uncomfortable sitting position. "Let's go back to my apartment." He puts me in a headlock and picks me up bridal style. He forgets: I'm a murderer. I twist him around, and pin him on the ground. I sit on his stomach, and pull out the phone Prim made me get. I dial the first number I can think of: Mystique. She is, luckily, home, and I ask her to get Finn. He lives next door, and I assume his muscles aren't the painted on kind. They show up in a matter of minutes.  
"Little help? I've been sitting on this dude for, like, a half hour." They understand my contract, and Finn grabs the guy, shakes him enough to most likely give him a concussion, and we leave, chatting. Wonder they both had tonight off. I realize what a camaraderie we've formed. Ha. Our little group. The Exploited Prostitute Victors Club. We should come up with a handshake.

We return to Mystique's apartment and play cards until one in the morning. We set up her TV with a movie and all huddle up on the couch. I only last an hour before I fall into a deep sleep. At eight, I wake up. Finn and Mystique are gone, and Octavia, Venia, and Flavius are standing over me. "Why'd you let them in, Mystique?" I groan, dryly joking. They set to work on me, taking only an hour to refresh my makeup and such. They dress me in a sunset orange dress. Peeta's favorite color. It's floor length, sweeping behind me. The arms are one shoulder, delicate flowers attached on my bodice. It hugs my body in all the right place. Peeta would love it, and I let a silent tear slip down my face. What has happened to me? My life fell apart. I let the man I love die, I'm barely saving my family. I'm selling myself for a death threat, I'm scared if I have children they'll die. What am I doing?

I enter the house of the Capitol gentleman. He's wearing a black suit, and hands me a corsage as I walk in. He bows, and kisses my cheek. While all the other men have been around 30-50, he's more my age. Only about 20 or 21. He's clearly got manners. He feels along a bar and grasps for my chair, pulling it out. "Thank you." I smile and take a seat. He feels further along to find his chair, and sits down.

"You're welcome." His voice is free of the inflection I'm used to from the Capitol. He snaps his fingers to summon dinner, I suppose, but it's a completely awkward motion.

"Are you- blind?"

"You're a quick one. Yes, I am." He smiles. I have no intention to treat him differently, I'm actually slightly interested in him.

"So, tell me about yourself. Family? Friends? Childhood? Interests?" We talk for hours. He's actually a lovely man, and I give him my mobile phone number. Actually use it for something. I decide he's a lovely man. I realize what President Snow's mood will be about me uprooting his pretty little threat circle. I remember Finn telling Mystique and I about Annie, his slightly crazy girlfriend back home who's totally cool with not dying. I make a note to talk to him later.

I later meet with the lovely, enigmatic, friendly President Snow. As if. As I explain my love life to him, he considers it.

"You'll have to talk to him. If you have a secret, not public relationship, and begin physical contact with your dates now, I'll allow it. You may go public and abandon the dates in five years." It's better than being a prostitute until I start to look wrinkly and old. I text Noah, the young man, and tell him of my predicament. How I need his help to get out of this vicious system. I decide I'd better talk to Gale next Sunday and make amends. He's not necessarily the one at fault here.

**Short little chappie! I love saying chappie. Chappie, chappie, chappie. Chappie!**

**Hugs,**

**Kittycatgirl0**


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for da mistakes, typing on my ipod.

Katniss' POV  
I decided to have lunch with Noah the next day. We go on the roof of Mystique's house, as if we face the backyard, nobody can see us. Which is a crucial part of my timely exit from society into the woods. As I explain how I wish for him to be like an abolitionist, helping me steal my way out, he nods. When I finish, he promptly says he will help. I let out the breath I didn't realize was being held in. I thank him and go to meet my prep team. I have my first appointment tonight. First real appointment. Finn tells me to eat before, but I'm skittish and what I eat will only come back up to haunt me. I decide to call Gale. But he has no phone, so I call Prim. Luckily, he's at our house tonight to talk to Prim and Mom. Prim puts him on and he clears his throat.  
"Whats up in the Capitol?"  
"Im sorry,"i choke out, bursting into sobs.  
"Hey, its ok, Catnip. Shh. Whats wrong?"  
I stop crying and say, "go out to the woods." He's using Prim's mobile so it won't be monitored. He runs out, and in a few, he's there.  
"'Kay, now spill."  
"I'm about to lose my- my-"  
He cuts me off, screaming, "Some Capitol bastard is having sex with you? What the hell Katniss?"  
"It started after I won. When I was back at the Capitol. The president summoned me, and basically told me I would be his little sex doll for those Capitol bitches or my family would die. I met other victors, like Mystique and Finnick, who are in the system too. They're actually very nice. I realized- this is what happened to Haymitch. They tried to sell him, but he let his family die, and now he drinks himself to his own electric chair. I'm only trying to protect you."  
"Katniss- wow. Just wow. Thank you so much. Call me whenever you need too. If only you weren't so pretty." I laugh.  
"Thanks Gale. The prep team's screaming at me. I get to have my eyebrows torn off and drawn back on. Bye!"  
"Bye Kat. Love ya." The last words were cut off, so all I heard was love. Who? Me? I'm even more confused, but I know Gale will never get mad at me for protecting his little siblings and Prim. I'm whisked to a room, shoved into a purple leopard print mini dress with a chain belt and a sleeveless sweetheart neckline. It leaves nothing to the imagination, not surprisingly. I get pushed in a limo and we drive for an hour. I'd sleep if I wasn't so damn nervous. I'm all alone, and we stop finally at a grand mansion. I wrinkle my nose as a forty year old man steps out. He's graying, and is wearing a tuxedo. He's older than my dad would be, and looks more like my mom's date rather than mine. He searches me hungrily as I step out. I greet him stiffly, a formal handshake. He leans forward and kisses me. Not my first kiss, thanks to the man in the alleyway a few nights ago. He grabs my arm and pulls me upstairs. He has virtually no manners, and I make a note to tell Effie as I ask his name.  
"George Intlamonio. Get in the bed. You take birth control?"  
"No."  
"I have condoms." He pushes me down, unceremoniously tears at my dress till it rips off, and carefully undoes the buttons of his dress shirt and pants. I close my eyes, this guy hopefully wont ask for me to do much. He begins to kiss me, and I open my mouth. Might as well save myself from bleeding tonight. He also unclips my bra and just tears off the stupid thong they made me wear. I'm glad Mystique reminded me to bring a robe and pajamas. He slowly enters me, and I force myself to go numb. He notices. "Don't worry, babe, I have experience." I stay numb, not answering. After two hours, a knock on the door tells him to get me out for my next date. I leave the dress there, only taking my bra and robe. I don't say goodbye to George, just walk out. I remain numb for the rest of the evening and go through five dates. And five dresses. They're all like George, rich old men who think they rule the world. It's morning when I return, bleary-eyed. I walk in to Finn and Mysty chatting over coffee, so I ask for a cup.  
"God, Kat, how many'd you have?"  
"Five."  
"You used birth control?"  
"No, condoms."  
"Start birth control. Take a pregnancy test just in case." I smile and nod. I plan to take a few back to District Twelve. I run to my room and pack. I was let go early, because it was my first time. I'll sleep on the train.  
Later on the train, I decide to take the test. As I talk to Cinna, I exit to go to the bathroom. I take it and wait, impatiently shaking it. Slowly, the result appears. I read it. Clear as day. I gasp at my result.


	8. Chapter 8

Hai guys! Ima do mi updates mo often.

Katniss' POV

Or, at least, i pretend to gasp. (Red herring i pulled, eh?) I grab a thin red expo marker. I draw a line on the negative test that looks exactly like the one under it. Then, I grab my makeup bag and make my nose red. I splotch my mascara and make myself cry, and I slowly walk out to Cinna, sobbing. "What's wrong Kat?" He notices the test I'm holding, and pulls me in for a hug. "I'm sorry." He grabs the test. "Who's the dad?"

"I don't know, there was like five or six." He puts his head between his knees. I check on a camera I have set up. It's recording. I wipe up my fake tears and smile. Then begin to giggle. Giggle? Then I have a laugh attack. He's confused until I grab the test and wipe off the Expo. As he realizes I'm not pregnant, he laughs too. We both crack up, and I hug him. Something seems to dawn on him.

"Did you really have sex with six people?"

"Nope." Not a lie yet. Only had five appointments yesterday. I walk to the camera and turn in off, but not before sending the video to Finn and Mystique. It'll crack them up. Smiling, Cinna and I chat some more. I tell him about the video. We decide it would be hilarious to show it at my next interview with Caesar.

He sends Caesar the link with the caption, "Kat scared the crap out of me". We click send on the email. He doesn't email back. We realize the train slows. Tech problems again? Cinna drags me outside to get fresh air. We walk a few hundred feet after the end of the train. "Kat? Why were you taking a pregnancy test?"

"I-I-" I burst into tears. He gently grabs my arm, pushing me to the ground. We sit, and he gives me a tissue. "Thanks. It started the night I went back to the Capitol." I tell him everything. He nods at the right places, and hugs me when I finish.

"I'm so sorry."

"Its ok. I'm just so scared I'll slip up and kill my family." He guides me to the train, rubbing my back. Before we get on, he hugs me.

"It'll be ok, Kat." We get back on. He's right. It'll be ok.

As we reach Twelve, I jump out with my bag. Gale is outside, slightly hesitant looking, but after looking me over for bumps and bruises, rushes forward to hug me. He picks me up and puts me piggyback on his shoulders. We run back. I hadn't told Prim I'd be back, and she's already home from school, so I tell Gale to stop just outside the Village. We decide to give Prim a little scare. I get off and hide on the side of the house, directly under a window. Gale walks up to the door and stares at his feet. He knocks. Prim skips up.

"Hi Gale!"

"Hello. I have some bad- uh, bad news about Kat. I wish I didn't have to tell you this but.." You can see her little heart beating faster.

"She what? What happened?" She's on the verge of tears.

"She's home early!" I burst out and hug her, picking her up and spinning her around.

"Don't do that!" She laughs. Her face darkens. "Did you tell him?"

"Yeah, don't worry. We're cool."

"Good." She smiles, like nothing happened. We all go inside, to grab a mug of tea. Mom is out of the house, probably visiting Hazelle. They've been talking a lot lately. Probably gossiping, they're huge gossips, the both of them. Gale asks for Prim to leave so we can talk privately, she graciously 'goes out to town'. But she brought no money and I know she's listening outside the door or watching through a window. I stiffly stand up. We both know the silliness earlier was to mask our real uncertainty and fear. He follows me. I relax my muscles.

" My house has roaches, maybe we should go on out." He understands I'm just saying it's bugged, so he follows me. I created a hole in the fence behind our house. We slip through. After walking a bit, I decide we should talk at the small house by the lake. We grab bows in case we're attacked by wild animals. As we arrive, I take Gale in.

"Why've I never been here before?"

"My- my father showed it to me. Used to play house. Here's my broom!" I smile to cover up my pain, but it must be obvious. Gale guides me to a wall and we sit down against it. I close my eyes and lean into his shoulder. He signals it's ok by beginning to play with my now short hair. I smile, and inhale deeply. His natural earthy scent mingles with the coal dust ingrained in him. Between my lack of sleep and the sunlight falling just right so I'm warm but there's no sun in my eyes, I begin to doze off, half asleep. This moment is perfect. Gale shakes me. "What?"

"Prim must be worried. You've been asleep for two hours."

"You let me sleep that long?"

"Sorry, you're so cute when you sleep..." I slap him.

"Hey!"

I scowl. He laughs, takes my hand, and guides me up. We jog back. I realize how cold it is out, and I'm not wearing my dad's jacket, just a worn short sleeve shirt. I shiver, and Gale notices. He pulls off his own long sleeve shirt. I protest, but he wrestles me and eventually I end up with two shirts. We laugh at how we look: Me with mussed up hair, in Gale's shirt, and Gale shirtless with a beet red cheek from the slap.

We reach the fence, and as I lean down to crawl under the fence, Gale suddenly says, "Wait." I stand back up.

"What now?"

"This." Gale grabs me face, hugs me close, and begins to kiss me. Slowly at first, then I push him up against a tree and begin to kiss him more passionately. He grabs my back under my shirt. His eyes seem to ask for permission. I lean away to breathe.

"If you want to." He smiles, and kisses me again, his hand searching for the closure on my bra. "Shit! My twelve year old sister watching us."

"Oh yeah..." We laugh in an awkward way. I lean up and kiss his nose.

"Let's go in, dear cousin," I joke. We crawl under the fence. Hand in hand, we walk in. My face is fire engine red, I know, judging by the shade of Gale's face. We walk in the back entrance and into the kitchen. Prim is waiting for us. She wiggles her eyebrows.

"So?"

"Prim, you know what happened."

"Gale, Mom and Hazelle are upstairs talking and should be back really soon. I suggest taking your shirt back. Kat, splash some water on your face." She returns to reading a book set on the table. I pull off Gale's shirt.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"S'okay." He pulls it on just as Hazelle walks down the stairs. She sees my hair and Gale's face. Her eyes widen and her jaw drops. She scurries upstairs, has a hushed exchange with my mom, then walks downstairs, grabs Gale's hand, and pulls him home, I presume. My mom marches downstairs.

"Katniss Maysilee Everdeen-"

"Mom, don't." Prim?

"Sorry, Prim. Kat's been disappearing for days on end to the Capitol, showing up at home bleeding, then- this? What the hell is going on with you, Katniss?"

"Prim, I need to talk to Mom. I'm going to personally be taking you to town to hang out with Madge. Ok, mom? Somebody was eavesdropping on a private conversation..."

"Fine, be back soon." I drag Prim to the mayor's house. Madge answers the door, and I ask her if she could keep Prim for a bit during an adult conversation between my mom and I. She agrees. I run home, Mom hates waiting. I burst in.

"Done."

"What the HELL were you thinking? You're sixteen, for God's sake! I should-"

"Mom, there are some hard decisions I've had to make over the last few weeks. I haven't told you, but I owe a lot of people an explanation. I'm not a virgin, but that's not Gale's fault. We didn't have sex. Will you listen?" I can tell I've piqued her interest.

"Ok." I tell her the entire story. Beginning to end. Tears slip down her face. "I'm sorry baby. This is my fault! I shouldn't have assumed..." She is ashamed, I can tell. I don't know how to comfort her.

"Shh... It's ok... Shh..." I whisper soothingly and hug her. "I love you. This is not your fault." She sniffles, then smiles.

"We should talk to Hazelle. Let you explain."

"Ok, you talk to her while I get Prim. She's probably mad at me." We go our separate ways. I grab Prim, kiss Madge on the cheek and thank her. I explain our predicament and we run to Gale's. Prim and I put our ears up against the wall. We hear voices.

"Capitol... What?... Katniss... Prostitution... Death..." Gale creeps around the side and crouches by me.

"Trying to listen?" He whispers.

"Yes, now shut up."

My mom screams, "Gale, Kat, Prim, c'mon in. We're done." We meekly enter

the house. Hazelle hugs me, and grabs Gale's ear. Which looks weird, because she's shorter than him.

"God, mom. Ow!"

"Somebody didn't talk to mommy."

"I was told not to tell."

"Not about that whole thing! About your first big crush!"

"Mom! Spare me!" She lets go of the ear. I laugh. Gale is red again, and I just laugh harder. Prim joins in. We're red and tearing up from laughing so hard, because it's just so damn funny that Gale, the hottest guy in school and with a different girlfriend every week, is red in the face because his mom told him off in front of me. I hug him. Hazelle and my mom hold hands and do this jumpy thing.

"We're right!" Hazelle says in a hush.

"They're gonna get married!" My mom says, a bit loud.

"I swear I turn eighteen and..." I joke. We laugh.

Hazelle's eyes narrow as she questions, "Wait, my baby's still a virgin, right?"

Prim answers, "Well, I'd bet thirty bucks Gale's not a virgin, but I was watching them. Gale and Kat most definitely didn't have sex. Not even in that little house-"

"You followed us into the fucking woods? How many times could you have been attacked by wild dogs or fallen and broken a leg?"

"Sorry," she mumbles. It shatters my heart.

"Hey, it's ok. You're ok, I'm ok. I love you, Primmy. I just want everybody to stay alive now. Nobody else to die. M'kay?"

"M'kay," she shows us a small smile. "M'kay."

Hola guys. Im sad. But i gots a new favorite! No hint cuz I'm posting two or three tonight!

Hugs,

Kittycatgirl0


	9. Chapter 9

Umm here ya go!

Katniss' POV  
I hear the phone ring. It can't be many people. Cinna? I answer it. "Hello, you've reached the Everdeen residence. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?"  
"Finnick, Miss Prerecorded voice."  
"Jeez, what do you want, fish boy?"  
"They need you out by the Capitol again. A train's coming in ten minutes, pack anything you'll want for the next year. You're needed for a longer period of time now." I'm stunned.  
"A year? I have to spend an entire fucking year with you? What did I do wrong?"  
"Yep! Look at your wonderful luck."  
I hang up.  
"Kat, what's wrong?"  
"You're ghost white."  
"I have to move to the Capitol for a year. I only have ten minutes to pack!" They're shocked.  
"C'mon, you have to help me pack. Go go go!" We pack speedily, and in eight minutes, I have a suitcase of clothes, some makeup because I no longer have a prep team because nobody sees my face all too much, my pin, hunting jacket, and boots. I hug everybody, telling Hazelle to hug the kids for me. We all rush to the train station, with promises of calls and final hugs and a whisper to Prim to get the Hawthornes a cell phone on our plan. To slip them money, and give them cheese and milk. I'll try to help them, at least. I give Gale a quick kiss and jump in the sleek silvery train. I'm greeted by Finn. "Must this torture be prolonged?" I joke.  
"Great to see you too! Somebody's got a boyfriend! Who happens to be their cousin, right?"  
"And I thought you could tell when I was lying. Did our mothers look like sisters?"  
"No, but you and Prim don't look alike."  
"Shut up. Not my cousin. My parents were only children."  
"Who fucking cares, you probably shouldn't be twisting tongues with your cousin in public while you're in this business. Or any business." I'm about to tell him to shut up when I realize my phone is ringing.  
"Who now?" I say as I answer.  
"Me," Gale says.  
"Lovely, what's wrong?"  
"I'm not letting you buy me a phone."  
"I'm buying you a phone."  
"No you're not! I'm not a charity case, stop treating me like one!" He yells.  
"God, Gale. All I want is to be able to talk to you. I put a feature on Prim's phone that autoalerts me with this stupid ring if it recognizes a curse word or anything- you know, right?"  
"I can't accept charity."  
"You can, and will, get that phone. I will personally turn this train around and wrestle you to the ground if you don't let Prim get it. It's not charity, it's a gift. Happy birthday."  
"You got me something for my birthday, it was goat cheese, and 6 months ago."  
"Yes! I got you some fucking goat cheese! Now accept the gift, or I will come make you accept it."  
"I'm stronger than you."  
"I just murdered five or six people! Just- please! Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn? I'm gonna start crying," I threaten.  
"Ok, Catnip, I'll do it." I was lying though. Tears are already streaming down my face.  
"Thanks."  
"Catnip, don't try to tell me you're not crying. I. Know. You. Are. Why?"  
"Are not!"  
"I can hear it. Stop acting like a toddler."  
"I'm not crying!"  
Finnick darts over and grabs the phone, saying, "You're right. Kitty is crying buckets. Why? You made her talk about two subjects she'd rather leave alone. The Hunger Games, and her family dying. I don't take well to people making my friends cry. So go with Prim and get the fucking phone. Also? Put Prim on. I think Kitty's done for now."  
"Oh, you do? How sweet," Gale hisses through the phone, "And what a cute little nickname system you have going on. Kitty and Fishboy. Fishboy and Kitty. Aww." I grab the phone.  
"Shut. The. Fuck. Up!" I scream, "Gale, why are you mad at him? He's trying to protect me. I can protect myself, but he's still my friend. Please! Stop."  
"Katniss, I'm so sor-"  
I hang up, and text him, "I'm not mad, I just can't do this right now."  
"Catnip, I'm so sorry."  
"Go get a phone, pass Prim her phone."  
There's a pause, as, I assume, Gale passes Prim the phone.  
"Hi Kat." She texts.  
"Make Gale get the most expensive phone in the store. And tell him to shut up about that sorry and all that stuff." I almost say shit instead of stuff, but it's my twelve year old sister.  
"Can do. Bye!"  
"Love ya, baby." I stuff my phone in the tiny pockets of my jeans. I'll never understand why guys have big pockets, but girls can't even fit in a phone. I have to ask Cinna about that.  
"I'll be in my room," I tell Finn. He nods, understanding I have to be alone with my thoughts. I walk in and let the gallons of tears I've been letting out in tiny spurts come out in great wheezing sobs, crying until I feel a little light-headed. I've cried so much my sheets are soaked. I don't care that my face is bright red and there's snot dripping from my nose, I walk out to get some water and tissues.  
"Lookin hot," Finn jokes.  
"Don't start, I can, and will, kill you."  
"A joke, jeez." I fill up a glass and walk to my bed, sliding under the sheets only to remember how wet they are. I grab a pillow and the comforter and curl up on the floor in a little ball. My phone rings. I forgot it was in my pocket. It's Haymitch.  
"Where are you?"  
"A train."  
"Why?"  
"We both know you know, Haymitch. I'm supposedly going to be out of the system in five years, but I don't trust Snow."  
"They- you're- those little..."  
"I know. I'm ok."  
"How'd you get a contract for only five years?"  
"I have my ways. And I have to move to the Capitol for at least a year. And I'm doing six days every week, six or seven appointments a day."  
"Still- wait you didn't..."  
"No! Eww! Of course I didn't have sex with the President! How twisted is your mind? I told him I'd fallen in love with one of my dates! Actually a fairly nice guy, agreed to help."  
"Good. You're taking monthly pregnancy tests?"  
"I'm on birth control, but yes."  
"Good. If you get pregnant, I'll murder the son of a-" He mutters.  
"Haymitch, Fish boy's trying to learn how to knit. Better go keep the train from burning down."  
"If anybody..."  
" i'll tell you. Goodbye." I hang up. It's true, Finn is trying to knit. Figured he was good with knots.  
I enter the room.  
"Kitty, I need help," he whines.  
"Every single female on the planet will help you if you say that. Except me. Hey Octavia! D'you know how to knit?"  
"Yes!"  
"Fish boy here is miserably failing. Help him?" She runs over.  
"Baby, I need a little help," he purrs seductively. I crack up and walk to my room. This is nothing I want to see.  
After an hour or two, the train screeches to a halt. I look out the window, it's District Two. We pick up Mystique, Enobaria, Cashmere, and a male I don't even remember about the same age as Enobaria. I'm clearly the youngest here. A Capitol attendant rushes up.  
"Note from the President. Important."  
I read it. My eyes widen. Tears must begin to roll down my cheeks, because Finn walks over and rubs my shoulder. People ask what it's about. I read it aloud.  
"The five year deal is off. You may not visit home until further notice. If you want to see your little sister and all those cousins, especially the one you're kissing in public, ever again, you will cooperate. If you step out of line the smallest bit, your precious former home will end up like Thirteen. Blasted to smithereens. And forget about contacting them. Your phone is being monitored. Send one last text to them. And forget about talking to Haymitch, or buying your cousin a phone. And the fence will now be electrocuted all the time."  
The victors are shocked. They've figured out Gale's not my cousin. I whip out my phone, and madly begin to text Prim.  
To everyone,  
I love you all. I just got a note from the President. This is all my fault. I'm not allowed to talk to you, or buy Gale a phone. If I don't cooperate, it's not just you that will die. The fence is going to be electrocuted all the time, I'm sorry. I have to live here for much longer than expected, and can't visit home. I'm sorry, and I love you all so, so much. Goodbye.  
-Katniss  
It breaks my heart to tell them. I walk to my room with heavy feet. I curl up on my bed and wrap myself mutely with blankets. I reread the note again and again. I can't believe this. How easily it could be written off as an affectionate kiss on the cheek from a dear cousin to another. Instead, they starve them and cut off contact. I would be in this system for the rest of my life if it meant I could hear Prim's voice. Just a word with her. Telling me they're ok. Safe. I hope to god Prim will make the Hawthornes accept a few coins. I can only pray.  
Prim's POV  
I read Katniss' text aloud. Gale's eyes widen. He seems stuck, then runs out of the house. I try to follow him. I'm scared of what he might do. He runs behind our house and neglects to listen of the fence is electrified, grabbing it to try and get out. It zaps him, blowing back. I scream for Hazelle, Mom. Everyone runs out. "He didn't listen for electricity." Mom rushes over, grabbing his hand to check for burns. The skin on his hand is blackened, crumbling off at my mother's touch. I run over to, checking for a pulse. I can't find it. "Mom, the shock stopped his heart." She begins to try pumping it as I run in to grab all the materials she'll need to revive him. Hazelle is sitting by him, holding his other hand. Tears begin to fall as she hears me tell my mother he's currently dead. Posy wanders over, crying.  
"Pwim, what's wrong? Why isn't he moving?"  
I grab Rory. He'll understand. I pull him away to the kitchen.  
"Is he unconscious?"  
"No, the shock from the fence stopped his heart. He's- currently dead. We're reviving him. Keep Vick and Posy in here."  
"How are you calm? He's dead! My older brother is dead and you're just getting stuff from your kitchen!"  
"Rory, he's like my older brother. If we freak out, there is absolutely no chance we can revive him. Please. Stay strong for your sister and brother."  
"Ok. I'm sorry." I run out. My mother wearily tries one last pump. A ripple seems to run through him. I check his pulse. Fast, but there.  
I smile as I tell Hazelle, "He still has bad burns and a fast heartbeat, but he's alive." She smiles. He regains consciousness, and coughs.  
"What happened?" he asks in a gravelly voice.  
"Nothing much. You died, lost the nerve endings in you hand, you know, the normal stuff."  
"What?" he screams.  
"Take it easy, you just came back from the dead," I tell him.  
"Yeah. Where's Kat?"  
"Don't you remember running out here and getting electrocuted by the fence? Her moving? That ominous text about us all dying?"  
"Uh, no..."  
"What's the last thing you remember?"  
"Walking to your house to argue about Kat getting me a phone."  
"We'll explain later. You might lose your right hand."  
"What? But then I couldn't…"  
"Yeah, it was a really strong electric flow. I'm surprised you didn't hear it." I run in to tell Rory, Vick, and Posy he's ok. Posy runs up and hugs me. I laugh. I take them outside, warning them he might not remember some stuff. They skip outside, excited. Hazelle is crying, tears of joy now.  
Posy runs up and screams, "Hi Gale! Are you ok?"  
"Yep, I'm fine now." He smiles at his little sister, nobody can help but do the same. I take over from my exhausted mother, applying various creams. Although I'm fairly certain he won't regain feeling or control, we can pray. My mother chops up some leaves like the ones Kat used in the Games, for infection. He still isn't aware we've put anything on his hand. As my mother covers his right hand in the gunk, I begin to ask him questions to help determine how his hand's status is.  
"Can you feel us putting this stuff on?"  
"No."  
"Does this hurt?"  
"No."  
"Can you move your hand at all?"  
"For God's sake, no!"  
"We need to figure out if you have any intact nerves." My question is answered as the blackened skin falls away to reveal that it's gone straight through to the bone.  
"If we don't amputate it, the blood flow will become contaminated. There's no veins left whole in the lower arm."  
"Amputate?" Gale and Hazelle both exclaim.  
"Basically." (A/n- im making this medical jargon up, sorry if it's inaccurate.) I ask Rory to grab our makeshift linen and wood stretcher. It's covered in bloodstains. We all help get him on it. He shouldn't walk yet. As we carry it in, Hazelle bombards us with questions. We answer them patiently. After asking Gale if it's ok if we do the procedure and explain how he'll slowly die if we don't, he agrees. Mom ran out of sleep syrup yesterday, so I run into town and buy a box of ten. Gale should only need one or two doses. The merchant asks me what I need it for. I explain our predicament. He only makes me pay for half of it, much to my protest. I leave the other half and a bit in the tip jar. I rush home. Luckily, my mother learned her lesson. She'll wait till Gale is no longer conscious to pull out her instruments. All she has out is a roll of gauze. I persuade Hazelle to go upstairs during the operation. It takes a very large tool to cut through bone. I pull my mom aside, to tell her that she should offer Gale a job, as he wouldn't be able to mine with one arm. She agrees. We both go back in, sterilizing our hands and gloves. I give him a bit of the syrup from a small glass vial. He drinks it and falls into a comatose-like state. My mother pulls out several large instruments. Although it won't hurt much since he has no nerves left, it freaks patients out when they see a doctor saying they're going to use a gigantic pizza cutter looking thing to cut off your arm. My mother begins to drill through. We won't be able to do much with his arm with our stone-age equipment.  
Katniss' POV  
I raggedly breathe in and out. I won't see my little sister grow. Won't see her graduate to Panem High. Won't help her with her math homework. Won't see her first crush, console her during her first breakup. Help her prank her ex. Won't see her laugh and joke after school with me. Won't comfort her during a nightmare. Won't hear her voice again, most likely. I cry for all the years I've lost with her. I didn't treasure having her with me when I did. I can't fathom the idea of returning home in twenty years to find Prim married with kids, my mother dead, nobody at the Hob recognizing me. I silently sob. This is absolutely the worst day of my life. I hear a loud rapping on the door.  
"Kitty, it's Finn. Are you ok?"  
"I'm fine. Shut up and leave me alone!"  
"Guys, she didn't commit suicide.." It sounds muffled, and isn't for my ears. "Kitty, wanna play a board game?"  
"No. This is the worst fucking day ever. I don't want to fucking play a fucking board game!"  
"I was kidding! Of course not. Do you want me to come in so you can talk about it?"  
"No. What I want is to know on a daily basis that my baby sister is alive."  
"No can do."  
"Shut the fuck up!" I scream, and throw a vase at the wall for effect.  
"Kitty, please at least unlock your door."  
"Remember the death threat thing? I'm not going to fucking commit suicide!" He gives me an idea. A grand idea. "I'll be back."

M'kay! Im done. ;) gonna write some more now!  
Hugs,  
Kittycatgirl0


	10. Chapter 10

**Warning: Self harm and severely t themes. And a lot of plot developments. ;)**

I smile, and rush out to the main sitting room on the train. "Now, how would I arrange a meeting with the President? And do you have some rope? And a stool?"  
"Oh, dear God. Katniss has a plan. Kitty, you can't have the rope and stool until I hear your plan."  
"I'll tell you. I just, uhh, can't reach the bathroom sink and need a stool..."  
"My God. Kitty, it didn't work the first time. What makes you think it'll work the second."  
"Shut up. I'll get it from somewhere else. Goodbye. Don't try to stop me."  
"Ok. Not a horribly bad idea." I run out. There's a small box that will substitute well for the stool. I want to do this now. I find a string and tightly braid it to an acceptably strong rope. I quickly fashion it to a simple noose. I curse the nincompoop who designed this cursed suicide method. The ceilings are too low. I grab the small razor for shaving provided in the bathroom. This is an even stupider idea. Somebody would find me before I bled out. I throw it in the tub. I contemplate my "suicide" options. I could never commit suicide. It would damage my family too much. I wander the train. I see an excellent steak knife in a knife board. I wonder if I threatened all the way... I grab a bright blue marker. I mark the area from my wrist to my elbow on the vein with a vertical line on both hands. I set up a call with the President. I explained it would take only five minutes. They allow me it, but I have to wait until tomorrow.  
I wake up, and at 9:15, tell him of his new predicament.  
"Nonsense. You're lying, you wouldn't jeopardize your family."  
"Tell the blood on my wrists." There actually is a drop or two. I discover the pain flowing away. I almost sigh. It's like people who take morphine. It sucks out the pain. Everything flows together and there is only you at your barest soul, behind the coverups and walls and traps and humors, your outer layers being sucked away like dust to leave the best version of yourself. The squeaky clean floor, exposed, vulnerable, but free of the dust of life. Free of the need to be socially accepted. I cut a bit deeper on my other hand. I know President Snow knows.  
"You may have 120 seconds with your family on the phone."  
"Thank you." I immediately call her. She answers right away.  
"Kat?! Is it you?"  
"Course it is baby! I did some negotiating..."  
"You slept with the President?" she asks, horrified.  
"No! How do you even... I have to talk to Madge about those magazines she lets you read..."  
"Gale- didn't react well to your text." My heart drops.  
"What happened?" I whisper.  
"He ran to backyard. The fence was on. He just accidentally fell in, he died." I cut her off, shocked.  
"You let him die?!"  
"He's ok, Mum restarted his heart. He lost an arm." I sigh and curse. This is my fault.  
"He's ok now?"  
"Want to talk to him?"  
"Yes..." Prim scurries off. I hear her tell Gale Thom called and wants to talk. He grabs the phone.  
"What, Thom?"  
"Gale," I say, tears streaming down my face, "I'm so sorry."  
"It's ok. You did what you had to."  
"No, you can't feed your family, all because I was being stupid and we did- that."  
"Kissing takes two, Katniss. I'll never regret it." My phone begins to beep, telling me I have five seconds until the end.  
"Gale, I have to go, I love you!" It cuts off. I hope he doesn't hear. It was stupid to say. I huddle in the corner. The steak knife is still on the floor. It's tempting. "Won't hurt anyone." I mumble to myself. I grab it and cut in my left wrist, deeper than before. I moan in pleasure at the wonder of the pain flowing out of my like my blood. It's so simple now. I can catch my breath. I moan again at this new sensation. I hide the knife in my suite, wedged in a special little area nobody looks in between drawers that I found on the train to the Capitol seemingly eons ago. When I was innocent, never murdered larger than a deer. I was now a hardened killer, and a slut. I won't let tears fall. I slowly wash my cuts. The feeling of being carefree subsides. I pull on a long sleeved shirt. It feels horrible, my cuts want air, but I can't give it. I reemerge trying to look excited. I tell Finn that I got to talk to Prim and Gale. We're both so excited. They're both alive, well 90% of Gale, but, theyre ok. We chat. They know I'm in a better mood. I'm still on edge, but I know Prim can keep Mom sane. I hope. Gale? He will most likely manage to stay alive. I think. I realize the white and blue striped shirt is showing little dots of red. I excuse myself and change into a red long sleeve that goes down to my mid thigh. Take that, stains!  
I reemerge. Finn looks at me dubiously. "Red doesn't look good with your skin tone. Makes you look orange. Why'd you change?"  
"Since when are you a fashion expert?"  
"Since Capitol gossip catalogues."  
"Really? The Capitol people are literally orange. Why did they give real advice?"  
"For people going "the natural route"."  
"Natural?"  
"You still didn't answer me, why'd you change?"  
"Umm, I, uhh..."  
"Spit it out." I think of the first thing: blood, but not from a cut.  
"I, uhhn, um, my pants bled through and I-"  
"What do you mean?" He looks at me suspiciously at furrows his brow.  
"God, Finnick? Don't you have a girlfriend or seventy six? Girls get their period, and then they get crabby! It's the way of life! Now shut the fuck up!" I scream. Exactly as if I was on my period, because I am a bit grouchy. Finn looks scared. Really scared. I realize I'm holding a butter knife. And pointing it at him. I quickly put it down and stalk out. He deserved that.  
I hear laughter, and some clicks from a mobile phone. I hear more roars of laughter. "You posted it online?" Finn yells. I have to see this.  
"How many views?" I say.  
"334. Hey, bipolar much?"  
"Shut up, Finn. I still have a knife." I grab the butter knife for effect.  
"Woah, calm down. Kidding."  
"Hey, we hit 1000!" Mystique exclaims.  
"Comments?" an older victor asks.  
"Let's see:  
From Katria Smeeth, "That guy's cute when he's scared. Are they dating?"  
From Silver Saomari, "I say she's hotter. They're obviously not dating, you idiots! That's Finnick and Katniss. And You can currently buy both of them for a rather high price. Neither is preoccupied with real relationships.""  
"Owned, Finnick. The score is 1, 1" I cringe at Silver's post. He puts it so blatantly as if I'm an object to buy and sell, like a music chip or a faux fur.  
"Well then, let's count."  
Mystique counts up for five minutes, and says, "Katniss got 78. Finn, you got 32."  
"Yes!"  
"Please, all that means is that more guys commented."  
"No! Let's do a real contest." Mystique types on her fancy phone, and soon shows us the new status on her page. "Contest: Post who's hotter, Katniss or Finnick?" She puts a photo up of each of us. I laugh. "Perfect." We already have 34 posts. It's clear I'm winning.  
"Take that, Odair!" We all laugh. I suddenly feel the effects of the cuts begin to fade. I rush to the bathroom, not sure why. I need to, though. I begin emptying my stomach, in horror. I brush it off, must be the rich food I've been eating. Weird, yesterday all I wanted was pickles. I swallow. My mouth fills with dread. I turn and throw up again. I brush my teeth, and remember something from sixth grade health. Wait three days after sex before you take the test. I take one, just in case. I shake it, and shake it. These are the longest three minutes of my life. I count it out. 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi. I count to 196. The lines fade in. Clear as day. One, two. Two lines. My face goes chalk white. I begin to cry. Tears drip down my face. And it's still only ten o'clock. The tiny bit of mascara I've begun wearing smears, and runs. I walk out to the main room and instantly begin sobbing at the sight of their faces. I collapse on the couch, the pregnancy test still clutched in my hands. I am cursed, it seems. Finnick looks alarmed. "Jeez, bipolar to the max. What's up Kitty?"  
"Shut up!" I scream at him in my most intimidating, knife-to-your-throat voice.  
"Ooh, the kitty hisses. Mrowr!"  
"Stop, or I will fucking bite your head off of your pretty little body!"  
"She means business. What's up with you?"  
"What do you think is up?"  
"The sky?"  
"Stop it! My life is ruined!"  
"Did we not establish that yesterday?" I shove the pregnancy test at him and stalk into my room.  
Finnick's POV  
I stand speechless. I wipe at it. Completely real. No Expo, it's not a trick. The other victors seem to understand. They stiffly sit down. I run down the hall.  
"Katniss! I'm so sorry! I will do anything to make it up to you!" I regret saying that immediately. Kat will milk as much as she can out of it.  
"Like waiting on me hand and foot for nine months?"she sniffles.  
"Oh, I guess I have to now. Ok."  
"Get me pickles. And peanut butter. And cookies."  
"That's not good for the-"  
"Don't say the b word! And the child growing inside me wants what it wants."  
"Hey, so you can say child, but I can't say ba-"  
"Do. Not. Say. The. B. Word."  
"But..."  
"No buts, get my food, fish boy." She stops talking. I run out, and grab what she asked for. Mystique laughs at me.  
"Idiot. You told Kat you would do anything?"  
"I am an idiot. Gotta go, I'm afraid she might whip me if I don't listen to her." I scurry off. I take it in to her. She smiles and dips a cookie in the vinegar in the pickle jar. I wrinkle my nose.  
"Dismissed. I want to cry by myself now. But could. You maybe send a note to the President telling him I'm preggers?"  
"Ok." I exit, and scribble a note on a napkin. I grab a random attendant, stick it in their hand, and tell them to get it to the President. Their eyes widen as I slink away. This will be a long nine months. Maybe the baby will be premature? Nah, my luck can't be depended on. But neither can Katniss'. At all.  
Katniss' POV  
I've been sent a summons from the President for seven tonight. I know I won't be able to eat. I sit on my bed and sleep. Just sleep. I don't know how many hours it's been , maybe four, when we reach the Capitol. I dress in a skirt and top and apply a thin layer of makeup. Maybe I'll start glowing and won't have to wear makeup. But maybe it's only happy mothers who get to glow. Mother. A word that doesn't come out right. Strange. Mother isn't me. Mother is my mom. Mother is Hazelle, is what I know Prim will be one day. But it, surprisingly, is me. Under strange circumstances, but still, me. I was the first to say I'd never put a life into the world, but it happened. I have a she or he growing inside of me. I can feel her or him, but it's not him or her who angers me. It's the Capitol lowlife who paid money to finally lose their virginity at age 52. I look at the clock. It's six thirty. I grab a bag, and shove in random stuff: my phone , the pregnancy test, and some cookies. I jog to the Capitol's main building. I run up and find the peacekeeper I've been told to meet. He guides me up the stairs, seeming aware of my condition. President Snow is waiting. He appears in a pleasant mood. After dismissing the Peacekeeper, his eyes flare up. "You're pregnant? How? You were using condoms, right?"  
"Yes, but I wasn't on birth control the first few nights." I sigh.  
"Really? Thought I got someone to send that to you..." The tone of someone tells me that someone will soon be dead. "Well, it's been dealt with before. An abortion. Meanwhile, you have to keep up with your appointments. It's just a pill. When do you want it?"  
"Can I have it now?" He snaps.  
"Thought so." I down the nasty pill with a glass of fizzy seltzer.  
"Eww. Do I have to deliver it now?"  
"Yeah, we'll do that on Sunday. You have an hour of break."  
I silently thank the Lord. I'm scheduled for breaks. I am rushed to get on my first dress. This limo, as I find, has about twenty or thirty dresses. I grab my robe, and make my way in. It's the usual. I leave in a robe. On the way to the next house, I'm given some bread and water. I scarf it down. They shove me in. The next twenty hours are like that. I get the occasional meal, I go to the bathroom, etc. I enter the next house. My eyes bug out.  
"Noah?"  
"No, nothing like that, figured I had to see you if you were moving here. Say hello. Want anything?"  
"D'you have pickles? I ask hopefully. Even though I'm technically not pregnant, I still want them. He graciously gives me a jar. We sit down and talk.  
"Thank you so much. I've been working for literally twenty hours straight. It's nice to see a friend and take a break."  
"Twenty hours?"  
"Yeah, and I don't get paid. Like, really?" I laugh.  
"Why d'you do it?"  
"Have to. President can pull some strings and bam- a lot of people are dead." His eyes widen.  
"How do you know he'd really do it?"  
"Happened before. Thats why Haymitch is a drunk. Killed his mom, dad, and his girlfriend."  
"Jeez."  
"Oh, and I wanted to tell you, you don't have to help me with the five year deal. Something- happened. It's off, I'm back on a normal contract, except I'm not allowed to see my family until I act like a good little slut, and obey the Capitol. I'm treading on spikes." I'm surprised at myself. I've never opened up before like that to anyone.  
"I'm so- sorry. It's ok, I'd say I understand, but I know I'll never be able to."  
"Thank you. I needed to let that out. By the way, do you want the money you paid for the appointment?"  
"No, I'd never mind spending a bit for time with a friend. Especially after all of- that."  
"Yeah, thank you so much. We have a half hour left."  
"Wanna play a board game?"  
"Sure." We play a game with letters and words that I don't remember the name of, but is wonderfully fun. I don't want to leave, but my next appointment is across Panem, to a victor in One. It disgusts me that anyone from the districts, even a victor, especially a victor, actually, would stoop to that level. I take a hyper speed hovercraft, so I only wait three minutes to get there. It's bone jarring how fast we went. I walk into the house in the Victor's Village. The man smiles, and grabs my hand and pulls me into the bedroom. He roughly pushes me to the bed, reminding me I'm nothing, just a toy, a live sex doll. He tears off my tight purple dress, ripping the tender see through silk down the front. He rips off my bra, too, and I wince. I don't have an extra. I glower at this piteous substitute for a human. He notices, and laughs. He rips off the thong seemingly trying to hurt me. It's confirmed when he punches me in the stomach, I think maybe a weird rough sex thing. He grabs my hands, and sees the cuts. He just laughs. I close my eyes and think of Prim. She is ok. She is alive. This is why I do this.  
"Careful with the merchandise," I growl at him. He laughs again, and shoves me into the bed.

That was... Wut?


	11. Chapter 11

**This has some t themes, not as bad as last chapter, but, yeah... Dont read if you're like under nine or whatever. enjoy?**

The next ten hours are torture. I had no idea how perverted victors were. I had seven appointments in one and three in two. I emerge for the ride back to the Capitol beaten, lightly bleeding in some places, with fingernail marks scattered on my neck and back. My lips are sore, bleeding, and swollen. I want to lie down and sleep. But I have five more hours before I get a meal and two hours of sleep blocked out. I forget which day that will be. I think Friday or Saturday. My schedule is for 35 appointments, then four hours of break, then another 35, etc. This new life is a living hell. I'm told I may get a day off in a week. I can only hope.

The next five hours are the roughest appointments and weirdest I've had. One person wore a monkey mask. I come out for my three hours of break worn and miserable. My neck is bruised, and my entire body is red, splotchy, and sore from people rubbing it. My calves are fire engine red and burning with red hot pain. I enter Mystique's apartment and see Finn and Mystique and Finn waiting. "Where the hell were you for forty hours?" Finn asks angrily.  
"Appointments. I had thirty five in a row."  
"Bullshit."  
"Y'know, I pissed the President off big time. Not lying. Have anything for extreme pain?"  
"Yeah, I have one of those chafing creams," Mystique interjects.  
"Thank you soooooo much!" I moan.  
"Here, I'll help you." She leads me into the bathroom, and helps me get my back and stuff with this Capitol medicine. "Remember to take your birth control." I swallow it, then run to the kitchen and stuff a turkey, cheese, and raisin bread sandwich down my throat. I walk to the couch in her living room and basically collapse on it. After what seems like a few minutes, Finn shakes me.  
"You weren't lying. An attendant says you need to be ready in five to go."  
"Crap!" I run to the bathroom and smear on smoky eye makeup and a thick coat of other makeup gook, then squeeze into a tiny dress. It's red, with sparkles starting at the bottom and fading out at the top. It goes down to my upper thigh. I grab a robe and shove my shoes on, and remember I was going to cut. Ah well. I just peel the scab on one hand, and the effect is more or less achieved. I close my eyes in pleasure, then dash out remembering I have the President's wrath hanging over me. The next fifteen hours are a blur. Then, we get in a hover plane and fly to the Capitol's main square and the President's mansion. I'm immensely confused, and am led in. I suddenly remember the President's grandson and granddaughter, twins a bit older than me. They must live here. If my hunch is correct, I'll have a strange hour ahead. And my family's and my life may be about to end. Cold sweat pours from my forehead. I close my eyes and count to ten. My father would want me to be strong. He would need me to be strong. I smile and hum the valley song. My father is watching me, and I know he must be proud. If it is at all possible to be proud of your sixteen year old killing several people then becoming a prostitute, then he is. My heart seems to fly out of the dark cage it has been locked in for a second, then it is pulled back in as I remember my next hour. I'm escorted in to a room. A broad shouldered boy who looks about eighteen is lying on the bed. I swallow, not sure what to do.  
"H-hello."  
"Well, you're supposed to have sex with me, not stand there and act like anything but the little District slut you are."  
"What have we here? Another arrogant bitch from the Capitol?"  
"No, the arrogant bitch from the Capitol. I'm the President's grandson."  
"I'm Katniss, call me Katniss or something, namely you, will get broken."  
"As I said five minutes ago, you're supposed to have sex with me." I roll my eyes and push him on the bed.  
"Whatever." He flips me over so he's on top, and gently unzips my dress. He hesitates.  
"Wait, you don't mind all this, right?" That is the stupidest question I have ever heard, but I lie.  
"I guess not. I don't want to get in trouble with the President, so not really."  
"Huh." He continues gently, undoing my bra strap. I slide off his shirt. "So, tell me about yourself." This is new. Somebody talking about me? Somebody from the Capitol?  
"I dunno, what do you want to know?"  
"What's your favorite color?"  
"Forest green. You?"  
"Dark blue. The color the sky is right before sunrise." I smile at the memory of many a sunrise spent leaning against Gale while he ranted about how corrupt the Capitol was. "What about your sister?"  
"I love her more than anything. She's my everything. Haven't gotten to talk to her for more than thirty seconds at a time in a week." Tears well up. Why am I telling him all of this?

"Me too. I couldn't stand being away from Marissa."  
"What's your name, by the way?"  
"James."  
"Hello, James. Nice meeting you,"I say sarcastically. He laughs, and we keep talking while having sex. Less awkward than you would think.  
"Lucky number?"  
"Seven."  
"Favorite book?"  
"Alicia's Adventures In Wonderland."  
"Oh, the one about the girl who dies because she goes into the rabbit hole even though she's not supposed to?"  
"Yeah."  
"Favorite food?"  
"Lamb stew, obviously."  
"Family?"  
"My mum and sister, you?"  
"Mum, sister, and obviously grandfather."  
"What about your dad?"  
"He's dead. He cheated on my mum."  
"My dad died when I was twelve. I had to support my family."  
"Got any secrets?" I laugh dryly.  
"As if. You?"  
"Yes."  
"Gonna tell me?"  
"Nope." He pops the p.  
"Got a girl?"  
"What do you think?"  
"Any friends?"  
"Hired friends, yes. Real friends, no."  
"That's absolutely pathetic. How long did you pay for, anyway?"  
"I get as long as I want for free."  
"Good for you. How long did you schedule in?"  
"Only two hours, I make many bad decisions." I laugh.  
"I assume I'll be seeing you again?"  
"Yep. Every day. How many appointments do you do, anyway?"  
"I do forty hours, then three hours of rest, and repeat the cycle."  
"What? And you don't mind? What kind of pervert are you?" he jokes. I wince.  
"It keeps my family alive, I told you. I'd think you'd know this. When you live in the Districts, every decision, every action, is life or death. Work or die. Save or die. Let your family die or die. Follow the rules or die."  
"Wow. That was deep."  
"Life is deep." How I am on a first name basis with the President's grandson is beyond me. How he is funny and nice is also beyond me.  
"I've told you a secret. You tell me a secret."  
"That wasn't a secret."  
"Well, everybody else but my family and Snow think I'm doing this because I'm a slut. So yes, it is a secret."  
"Well, what kind of secret do you want to know?"  
"Let's see... I don't know, uhmm, have you ever had a crazy crush on somebody?"  
"Somebody completely unnattainable?"  
"Sure." His cheeks grow a little bit reddish.  
"Uhh. Y-y..."  
"Spit it out."  
"Y-you."

little short, but whatevs. So i just hit 545 views! Thats a whole fucking lot! I'll give you a hint: so small by carrie underwood


	12. Chapter 12

Ok so I cried when I wrote the song. Its called stay, it kinda sucks and its by yours truly... Anyway, sorry to be a skipper but I feel like just talking about her terrible horrible life a sold woman is totally boring. I'm going to make this a trilogy, as soon as I hit twenty chapters. Maybe less if I just can't do twenty chapters between now and the big finale I have

Three years later...  
Katniss' POV

I feel as if soon I may just die from misery. Misery, pain, death. These are my only thoughts. Prim is in a coma from a "seizure". That was for my little friendship with Snow's lovesick grandson. I am not allowed to see Finn, Mystique, the other victors; I talk only to each year's tributes from twelve, my prep team when I have a government official, an uptight Capitol escort, and obviously my clientele. It disgusts me how the Capitol can rip a family to shreds so quickly. I have a reputation as the Capitol's "best girl in bed". I have had no news of Prim and my family since two and a half years back when she went into the coma. But my will to live and keep Prim and Gale alive is so strong, so immediate, that I must put it before my own well being. I can not exit this world, to do so would be to fail them. I have lost track of time, I get a daily weather and news report from an avox. Apparently Finn has revolted, Four is gone along with Annie. He seems to have grown into an empty depression. In his pictures, he has lost muscle, his cheekbones hollow and empty. His eyes speak of horrors that will never end. His frame is skinny and pathetic. His lips always seem to be saying something. I know it must be Annie. Sometimes, a word just fills you up until you can't say any other words. You can say nothing but Annie, Annie, Annie, and sometimes you just burst, sobs racking your body, shaking you. I have nightmares now. Of Prim, my father, Peeta, all calling for me to join them. To end it. It would be so easy. They'd entrusted me with a shaving razor as soon as I stopped cutting. I could dig it in deep and hide in the shower, and I would be ok. Peaceful. Or I could request sleeping pills and squirrel them, eat a bunch at once. Wouldn't be hard. Not hard at all. But Prim is alive, I can feel it. I can feel her heart beating, even in her comatose state. I must stay until I keel over.  
My break is almost over, and I begin getting ready when an Avox hands me a note. I take it, bewildered. I haven't gotten a note since Posy died of pneumonia two years ago. Or was it one and a half? I don't know. I open it. It's a meeting with the President. He must be letting up! I grab a less revealing dress, swing out the door, and run to the limo. I shove the chauffeur out and drive wildly, quickly. I run up the stairs of the building like a kid in a candy shop. Soon, I find I've forgotten my pass to see the President. But I then remember the supposed idea I'm the best girl in bed in Panem. I bat my eyelashes. "Hey guys," I flirt shamelessly.  
"Hello. You need a pass to see the President."  
"I know, but I, like totes forgot it! I'm like, so so sorry, but you know..."  
"I get you. But I can't let you in."  
"C'mon, baby, not even for a reward?" I say, winking.  
"I'm listening."  
"I could get y'all free appointments with me or anybody else, haha, like, I could get you a pay raise, anything. What do you want?"  
They all ask for free appointments, and let me through. I roll my eyes when I'm out of their vision.  
"Suckers," I mutter and laugh. I enter the office only to find it empty. I wait for a half hour, and finally the President shows up. "What now?" I chew my gum loudly like an immature teenager. He bores holes in my head.  
"I know what you've been thinking. I know you might be wondering what would happen if you got a hold of some rope and hung yourself. I've decided to answer your questions." I sigh and make myself comfortable. "First, we would set your cousin's house on fire, trapping them inside. Not on a Sunday, though. Then, we'd bomb the Hob during the busy hour, and we'd cause a giant mine accident while your little cousin was in the mines. Finally, your mother would get deathly sick from a patient. Lady and Buttercup would both keel over from hunger. Lastly, my personal favorite, we'd pull Prim's life line. Oh, and we'd send a flaming arrow into the bakery, just for appearances sake. And on the news? It was all orchestrated by you before you committed suicide to cover the trail." Hearing out loud what I knew would be inevitable made it so real. I asked a final question.  
"I get it. I won't. But I need one promise."  
"What?"  
"You can, under no circumstances, let Prim be reaped. If you do, a wild killing rampage will ensue, carried out by me. And I get to call them."  
"You have to do an extra two hours of appointments every session."  
"Mkay." Anything for my Prim, even forty two hours of work on two and a half hours of sleep.  
"You have ten minutes." I dial. Mom answers.  
"Katniss?"  
"In the flesh. Mom, did you leave?"  
"I'm still here. I won't leave, I can't. Have you been working lately?"  
"Mom, of course. I'm working a schedule of forty two hours, three hours rest, back to work."  
"My god Katniss! You're still alive?"  
"I can't die, that's the thing." I sigh. "Are you at the hospital Prim's in?"  
"Yes."  
"Hold the phone up to her ear." I hear rustling as my mom shuffles down the hall.  
"M'kay, start talking,"my mom says, muffled by the fabric.  
"Prim, baby, I love you more than anything and anyone in the world. Every day, I imagine what you must be like, all grown up. I know there's still my Prim inside there, and she must have drawn herself far in, wherever she is, but if you can hear me, Primmie, I need you to come out. I need you, baby. If you need to, go to Daddy, but please, please come back. We all need you. If you just can't, Primmie baby, then go. We will miss you so much, but if you need to, go to Daddy, go to Posy, go to Rue, go to Annie, go to Peeta. Send them my love. Baby, you are my everything. Do what's right for you, not for us." I hear a beeping as I stop talking. People in comas can hear you when you talk to them. The machine is buzzing, and I can hear her heart beating irregularly. Da-dadadadumdadumda-dum da dum da dum-. Over and over. It's sickening. My mom places the phone on a nightstand, I think, and tends to her. The heart machine beep, and beeps, and beeps. I wait for what seems like forever. I close my eyes and pray. Something I've never done before, but hope to God will work.  
"God, don't let me lose her. I will go through torture until the end of my days on Earth and maybe in heaven if you don't let me lose her. If you can't save her, remember what a sweet child she was." I list all the things Prim has done that I love. Snuggling with Lady. Climbing into my bed to make her nightmares go away. Stroking my hair and calming me when I screamed for Daddy in my sleep. I could go on for hours. Tears well in my eyes as I realize my ten minutes are up. I look at Snow. He sits with a bemused expression. "If you have a shred of humanity in you, will you let me talk to my family for until my little sister dies? Or evens out again? Please? I will do absolutely anything."  
"Well... Ok." I sit by the phone for three agonizing minutes. The faint heart monitor still beeps.  
"I love you, Prim," I whisper. She probably can't hear me. The beeps speed up. It beeps at a rate of about 150 a minute. My heart beats rapidly with hers until a soft, slow, continuous beep rings out clear and true. Tears silently roll down my cheeks. I sing a favorite of hers softly and slowly through the phone.

_every one I love seems to slip away_

_everybody I need don't need me no more_

_if I had been half as good as you say I was,_

_would you be standing by me today?_

_Would I be not be crying at home with this lullaby_

_and some memories that fade?_

_Refrain:from $ to $_

_$why couldn't you stay? (stay, stay, stay)_

_why wouldn't you stay- ooh, sta-a-ay_

_why did you leave me on this Earth, all alone_

_while you got all our folks up above?$_

_refrain_

_why did you leave me_

_with all these troubles (all these troubles)_

_why did you leave me here?_

_i have no purpose any more (mo-o-ore)_

_refrain_

_left me with twenty bucks for the cab_

_and a hundred for your funeral_

_now I'm broke in more ways than one_

_crying, trying to get a grip_

_on this cruel dead world_

_with all these other pricks_

_they say forget em_

_but I say never ever ever_

_now im crying with a bottle of whiskey and tears_

_all that I want is to know_

_refrainx2_

_And that's it! By the way to my five reviewer. (me posting my own review doesn't count.) you are the light of my life! jk_


	13. Chapter 13

**Yea! **sry so short

Katniss' POV  
The line is faint. I hear my mom crying. I let out the tiniest little choked sob. The line goes out. I turn to the president. My eyes go up in flames. "You."  
"Me," he laughs.  
"Stop it, you little douche. Why are you doing this to me?" I burst into tears, hot, angry tears.  
"Oh, why not? Put you in place. You just haven't been making the cut lately as a hot Capitol heartthrob. You need to socialize, to start gaining back some of your weight. Make some tv appearances!"  
"Could you not have just said so? Instead of killing my sister?"  
"That wasn't me. It was you. You told her she could go if she needed to." A cruel smile twists on his face. The truth slaps me in the face.  
"It was- she must have really needed to go, if she did..." I'm defending my dead sister for dying? How much more bizarre will my life get? "I love her, but this might be the best thing for her right now. Everybody has a time." My tears turn sad, melancholy.  
"Your little speech was so cute. The real reason for this was to remind me that you are mine. Every bit. Even those things that you think you hide, I know. I know of the bread, of the secret kisses, of the cookies you got rid of. I know."  
"You may take everything. My home, my friends, my family, my town. But some things will never be yours!" I scream through wet hot tears. I stand up, my hands planted on the desk.  
"Like what?" The words dig in like a dagger.  
"You don't have the time with my father in the woods. You don't have the feel of his hands guiding me to use the bow. You don't have the warmth of Prim snuggling with me in the middle of the night. You don't have anything of real importance," I hiss.  
"True. But what can I get?"  
"You will be able to get nothing from me."  
"You don't know that. We could do things that would wring shrieks out of you, make your secrets pour into our hands."  
"What haven't you done? You have stripped me to the barest of bones, killed my sister, you have forced my innocence away, made me an old woman at nineteen."  
"I have poisons that would make you see your own death."  
"Like tracker jacker venom? I think you forget the strength I possess."  
"Like aurelius anprexin."  
"And what does it do?"  
"You go mad with any small power and go on a killing rampage."  
"So why would that help you?"  
"If we have a president or such who must be voted out, we put some in their tea. They go mad."  
"Ok," I say measuredly, carefully. Anything can be held against me.  
"I'd like you to see an old friend- no, meet a person you don't know anymore. He knows the full extent of the Capitol's wrath." He leads me into a room. Inside, as I guessed, sits the famous Finnick Odair. His muscles are gone, leaving him a zero percent body fat wiry frame. His eyes are hollow, gone of the life that always used to sparkle in them. His aura seems to be gone, the room seems to be zapped of everything positive. His mouth makes a pitiful attempt at smiling. His mouth is curved up, but his eyes are still dead.  
"Katniss."  
"Finn." I try to smile. Thinking of Finn reminds me of Annie. Annie reminds me of Prim. Prim reminds me I just sung my baby sister up to heaven. I collapse in sobs. He grimaces, and walks over. I fall into his chest and cry. His shirt becomes soaked.  
"Who?" he whispers.  
"P-p-prim." I sob even harder, and he pulls me in close. While here has never been a romantic prospect between Finn and I, he is such a close friend that I would trust him with my life. "Beware. They are weakening us. The reason they killed Prim was, and I quote, "because I could"," I urgently whisper into his shoulder. He lets out a choked sound, heard only by me. I hug him closer. "I have to start looking like a real Capitol lapdog, doing parties and such. I can't wait," I whisper sarcastically, "you?"  
"They've put me on a relieved version of your schedule. Ten hours, three hours of rest in the victor's apartment building."  
"Lucky. I haven't talked to anybody but my clientele, escort, and prep team since the note I got two and a half years ago saying Posy died, three not counting that."  
"I can't understand how you move on... My schedule seems tough, but..."  
"I have to. I had to save my family. And... Him." He nods into my shoulder in understanding. "I know all I'm living for is to keep the people of District Twelve among the living. My god, I'm sorry," I say as I realize what I've just reminded him of. "I must tell you the same thing I told Prim. If you have to, then just... Go. Leave. If you can't do it, it won't be a failure. Never, ever a failure."  
"Nobody else will die at my hand, not even me. I have to stay, like you said."  
"Thank you." I sigh in relief. "We need to be strong, right?" I breathe in deeply, preparing for his response.  
"I suppose so." We say our goodbyes, quickly hug, and go our separate ways. I am dragged out by some peacekeepers. They escort me to a room and tell me I have two days off for mourning. More like brewing a revenge plan. Or not. Maybe I will think of Prim, and all the horrible things I would do to Snow if it wasn't for District Twelve. For the threat that looms over me like a cloud, the threat that hangs on my back like a weight. I smile thinking of my arrow piercing the neck of the man who killed my sister. A familiar voice echoes in the room.  
"Smiling? Why? Does death make you happy, sweetheart?" Haymitch remarks sarcastically.  
"I'm thinking about all the things I could do to President Snow if he didn't hold my all of District Twelve's lives in his hand," as a menacing smile grows on my face.  
"Well, you can't. So start thinking of how you can get yourself out of this mess."  
"Easy. Channel the spirit of Finnick."  
"Think harder, sweetheart."  
"Uhh, that's as far as my plan goes. Should it be more complicated?"  
"Yes. I, by the way, am a holograph. A holograph made by the Capitol so you can't kill me."  
"I would kill you for?"  
"Letting him die."  
"That was my fault. Entirely and utterly on my shoulders. That wouldn't have stopped me from wringing your neck, though."  
"And why?"  
"You are here, talking to moi, while my mother is sitting in a hospital, crying over her youngest. Shouldn't you try, and, like, comfort her? I can't be there, so depending how drunk exactly you are, you're going."  
"I am eighty percent drunk."  
"Never mind, tell Madge to do it."  
"Well then. And your plan?"  
"As I said, I'll act exactly like Finn."  
"It's not gonna get any better, I see."  
"Not in a billion trillion years."  
"Goodbye." He appears to click a button, and vanishes. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I walk calmly to my room, climb under the covers, and let the dam break. If I was a river leading into an ocean, I would have flooded it. My tears wet the blanket, sheets, my dress, the pillow. He bed sheets are soaked. But I continue to cry. I cry a river, then two. I let the pain go in waves of waterworks. My face is red and scrunched up, and my dress is glistening with water. I finally just run out of tears. My mind goes dead. Prim is gone. What meaning does my life have? None. I have one last weight to carry, and when it is gone, I may leave with it. I may escape when it is gone. I can be happy again with my sister and dad. I decide all I can do about this is to talk to my daddy. I lie on the bed, and whisper.  
"Daddy, can you hear me? I- I don't know how to say this. I know you met Prim; she grew into such a beautiful young lady. While you've been gone, Daddy, I won the Hunger Games. And killed a lot of people. I don't get it. Why is the Capitol making me do this? I just can't do this... I want, I need to go up to you. But if I do, about twenty thousand people die. At my hand. I need help. Basically, the Capitol is making me- do stuff with pretty much any male Capitol or District citizen with a lot of money. If I don't, they bomb Twelve like they did Thirteen. They bombed Four already just to prove they could, the Capitol ran out of fish. That was because of Finn. Oh, Daddy... And, I met this... guy. He's really special. You used to hunt with his dad, he was killed in the same explosion as you. I can't describe the way I feel with him. We're secretly dating," I giggle, something I would never see myself doing. A storm is raging outside, and a bolt of lightning cracks down upon us. I laugh. "Daddy, don't get so protective. He's a good guy. I have to go. Love you." I look out at a window. A cloud catches my eye. It's shaped faintly like a heart. I may be imagining it, but my heart fills with warmth at this little coincidence. Coincidence, I think, that is. But it might just be my daddy.


	14. Chapter 14

**First sorry i haven't uploaded! Workin on my new story, it's called jump. Just clicky click my name up there and voila! this is a long chappie ;)**

This is it. My first Capitol party. Shivers run down my spine. I decide on a blue dress that shimmers like newly polished metal. It has a strapless neck with a fancy lace top part that is highnecked. I paint my eyelids a delicate balance of powder blue and white mixed with dark brown eyeliner to set off the dress. I put on two sets of false lashes and heavy mascara. I look like I jumped off a magazine cover. One of the ones that are only for "gentlemen" and basically are just a cheap booklet of pictures of naked or almost naked people. The limo pulls up, and I jump in. The tense feeling that surrounds me drops as I notice Finnick sitting in the other side of the limo. "Well, Kitty, certainly haven't seen you in forever," he remarks sarcastically. "Are you planning a gossip show appearance?" If I did it would be on Caesar Gets It, the show Caesar Flickerman runs to keep himself busy during the off season.  
"Oh, I probably have to," I reply, brushing him off. "Better go socialize and act like an absolute idiot."  
"Have fun!"

Shortly after, as I wander the party, I run into who else but Caesar himself. "Hello, Katniss. I haven't seen you since your the end of your Games. Actually, nobody's seen you in a few years."  
"Yeah, I spent some time with my family. Secluded from society, sorting out my values, you know?"  
"Of course. But what of all the Capitol's claims that an hour with Katniss is only two hundred?"  
"Yes, that was just something the President asked me to do. Of course, I decided I might as well. I quite enjoy my time with the lovely men of the Capitol."  
"Huh. Could we arrange an interview?"  
"I believe so. That would be lovely, as long as you serve lamb stew." We laugh, remembering our first interview.  
"Well, I must go. People to see!" He dashes off. A slow song comes on the stereo, and I discover myself being dashed around from Capitolite to Capitolite faster than any slow song should be danced to. I think their goal is for me to be held by as many strange men as possibly can be fit into a three minute song. One leans in and tries to kiss. I shove him off, and twirl off to somebody else. Soon enough, I am found in the arms of James.  
"Hello. Would have thought your grandfather might realize I was going here, as he was he one who made me go."  
"Oh, he doesn't know I went. I snuck out."  
"Oh, you rebel," I joke.  
"I know, I just can't follow rules, now can I?"  
"Of course not. Now, why did you seek me out?"  
"Am I not allowed to enjoy your glorious company?"  
"Spit it out, what do you want?"  
"Um," he says, his face reddening, "I was wondering if you would want to get dinner sometime."  
"I, uhmm..." I look into his eyes. The passionate look in them is so deep, I can feel his immense feelings. The warm brown that seemed to invite me in reminded me of another. The shock of blue rushing back at me ripped my heart. I was reminded that this is what happens when you love. This is what happens. And I realized he was almost the same as his grandfather. His grandfather who killed so many. But that isn't fair to him. None of this is fair to, it occurs, Gale. He has to pretend he's his girlfriend's cousin while she has sex with every single man in the Capitol, and while she considers cheating on him. "I just can't. It's not fair to him."  
"Him? You mean your dead boyfriend?" His brown eyes flare up, turning an orangey tint.  
"No, I can't tell you. It just isn't, and I'm sorry. And if you ever cared for me the tiniest bit, you won't tell the President."  
"We'll see."  
"If you do, everyone I cares about dies, James. Everyone."  
"Why should I care?"  
"I thought you said you were nothing like your grandfather, you wouldn't kill innocent people."  
"Maybe I will." He is exactly like Snow.  
"You sick, twisted, bastard! My life, my virginity, my possessions you can mess with as much as you want, but you threaten my family, and you are crossing the line!" I scream. Every single person in the room was staring at me. I turn on my heel and exit to a balcony. As soon as I'm out, the tears begin to roll. I curl up in a ball, barely registering it when Finnick strides out.  
"What was that?" He roughly says.  
"Shut the hell up," I reply, my voice muffled by the fabric in my dress.  
"No. That was the president's grandson, Katniss! For god's sake, could you have gone without calling him a bastard?"  
"No. Not possible," I mutter.  
"I heard that! Are you trying to get your family killed?"  
"No. He wasn't even supposed to see me at all. Snow told him I was a slut," I say, laughing at the irony.  
"That doesn't mean he'll be punished and not you."  
"Finnick, as I told you before, if all you're gonna do is reprimand me, shut the hell up!"  
"Well then, missy." He accentuates missy, turning it into a cutting insult. He walks away.  
"Finally," I mutter, and Finnick turns around and glares at me for a few seconds until I start hissing. He wisely walks away.

The next person to come calling isn't who I'd expect. "James? Come here to try another stupid power ploy?"  
"No, just to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I would kill your family and all that."  
"Damn right you shouldn't have," I growl.  
"I get it! Ok, ok. But seriously, what's the real reason you turned me down? We could totally do this, don't worry about my grandfather."  
"That's not the reason, James. I have a boyfriend."  
"And I have a social studies test next week."  
"Why should I care?"  
"Oh, I thought we were naming things we could cheat on."  
"Ouch. Somebody doesn't think very highly of me."  
"Sweetie, it's a hard world."  
"You just melt my heart."  
"Don't be so cold."  
"Don't be so warm," I remark sarcastically.  
"Stop acting so innocent, slut." It takes everything in me not to rip his throat out.  
"Give me your hand."  
"Ok," he says slowly, holding it out, "I don't trust you." I grab his wrist.  
"Smart boy," I reply dryly, flipping it and pulling his head into a headlock.  
"Ow! That hurts!"  
"Good, it's supposed to." I hold him for about thirty seconds, when Finnick strides out.  
"Have you made u- Katniss!"  
"He shouldn't call people sluts!" I defend myself weakly.  
"She shouldn't put people in headlocks!" James chokes out.  
"It's his fault!"  
"Yeah, well she isn't even supposed to be dating anyone!" James croaks.  
"Says the boy who asked me out," I remind him sharply.  
"Shut the hell up! Katniss, let him out! James, for Pete's sake, don't be such a ninny. I am not letting either of you out until neither is mad at the other!"  
"You're acting like my mother," we say in unison. I let him out, and he rubs his neck.  
"Now, James, how may I persuade you not to tell your grandfather this little tidbit of information?"  
"You could date me," he tries hopefully.  
"I said no."  
"Umm... Maybe... You could, uhh... Y'know..."  
"God, all you want is a few free hours? Sure, dude."  
"Makes it sound like you have sex all the time with a few hundred different guys," he mutters.  
"I do. Come on, let's get this over with." I drag him to a random room and lock the door. He looks embarrassed, especially as I start pulling off my dress. "Well, you're the one who guilt tripped me into this, get over here."  
"You sure you're ok?"  
"You act like this isn't how I've been spending the last three years of my life."  
"Sorry. I guess." I pull him onto the bed.  
"D'you have, you know...?"  
"Yeah." He pulls out a condom and shoves his pants off. I laugh a little at him, he has on skinny jeans and they're stuck on his ankles.  
"Need some help?" I laugh.  
"Just you wait, I'll make you regret that."  
"I'm so scared, gonna hit me with your jeans? Wait, you can't get them off," I say through fits of laughter.  
"Shut up, need I remind you you're supposed to be having sex with me?" he growls.  
"Whatever. Still laughing on the inside," I joke. What has he done to me? Giggling and laughing? I never do this. Ever. Joking? This can't be safe. I roll my eyes, pull off my underwear, and wait for him to follow suit. "Having sex requires you to remove your underwear, Mr. You'll Regret It."  
"Oh, yeah," he says, embarrassed, pulling off his boxers. I just lie down on the bed. He awkwardly pulls on the condom and enters me. I close my eyes and passively answer his questions. I am 5'2", I am average weight, I love cheese buns, my favorite person is, to be safe, I say I guess him.  
"Why? I thought you had a boyfriend."  
"You never- expect anything. I don't have to see everything your way. I don't have to be this built up armored person, I can just be me. But everyone I love dies, so it might be safer for you to forget about me." I realize I'm not lying. I actually do really like him.  
"Katniss?"  
"Yeah, James?"  
"Are you just saying that because I threatened you?"  
"No... I think... I think I mean it." It feels so deliciously dangerous to say, and I pull his head close to mine and slowly kiss him. He pulls me closer and tangles his foot in mine. It's suddenly more than something to keep my family alive, these stolen hours. I open my eyes and realize for the first time then green in his eyes. It seems to dance with love, and I slide my tongue into his mouth. He takes this as a signal this is suddenly real, and pulls away for a second to breathe.  
"I love you," he whispers.  
"I love you too," I say in the short period before he pulls me back in. I never thought I would mean those words. Strangely, it's like when a  
I was still a virgin, scared of what was about to happen. I smile teasingly against his lips, and remember Gale. Gale. Steady, always there. But never able to understand me. And the boy I was currently in bed with. James. Dangerous, never feeling the same two second in a row, but head over heels in love. Never varying. And I technically wasn't supposed to be with either. Whichever I chose, the other would view me as a shallow hypocrite. Not James, but Gale definitely would.

After the party, I'm escorted back to my room. I fall dead asleep. Three hours later, I'm woken by an attendant. He has a summons in his hand, along with a gossip magazine. He hands both to me. My eyes widen at the magazine's cover. It's front article is titled: Katniss and James seen exiting bedroom during party! It's about the supposed scandalous relationship created by the magazine that I know isn't as close to complete bs as you'd think. I realize the President must be off the wall mad, about to pretty much kill me. Tears cling at my eyes. I know there will be hell to pay.

I trudge into the President's office with my legs slightly shaking. I grip to the chair for effort and slightly bow. My skill for sucking up isn't wasted on him. "Sit down, Katniss." I fall into the chair. My back is stiff and rigid. "The image caught of you and my grandson last night is unacceptable."  
"Yes, I know. May I explain?"  
"It would do you no good."  
"Why?"  
"Dead. All of them. We made another example."  
"You bombed Twelve?"  
"No, they tried to escape to the woods. We sent a pack of tracker jackers on them."  
"They're confirmed dead?"  
"Yes." Tears slip down my cheeks. I have nothing left to live for.  
"James has also been punished accordingly." I can only imagine what that entailed. Being disowned? Who knows?  
"May I be excused?" I don't want to show weakness in the face of Snow. He's a wolf, and they say wolves can smell fear.  
"Oh, but I only just met up with you. Surely you can't stay a bit longer?"  
"I must, I have an appointment scheduled in a half hour and I'm a bit of a mess," I say as if that is my only concern. I realize I'm free of my bonds to Earth, my ties. I am free of the threats.  
"Oh, you may go." A twisted smile curls on his puffy lips. I sprint out, and run to my room. Finnick is waiting in the room. Right away, I run into his arms. He immediately hugs me back. I think he has an inkling of what happened.  
"Finn, they're dead," I sob into his shoulder. He at least understands.  
"Shh, you just have to go on."  
"How can I? Life is keeping them alive. Keeping them well. I don't have a life anymore."  
"Sure you do, Kitty. Just a sucky one."  
"Helpful much?" I stalk out into my room and reconcile myself to stop crying. I apply a mask of makeup and lies. The girl that stares back at me in the mirror is broken. Her parents are dead, and her sister, and her boyfriend, who she cheated on. Her almost mother and all her almost siblings are also dead. Everybody she cares about, she has killed. "Everyone I love dies," I mutter to myself. There's one person left I still love. James. I can't believe he is being punished because of me. I can't believe they're all dead. I do have a life, like Finnick said, but it's super sucky. I hate this world where people die and kill and make children murderers.  
I pull on a swanky tight dress that goes down to my ankles. I skip a bra, nobody seems to care. I grab thirty more dresses, a robe, a t-shirt, and shorts. I quickly slash a small cut on my wrist. But it's like a tiny bite of chocolate cake. I remind myself more later, just wait. Wait.


	15. Chapter 15

**Don't worry I aint done with this story, just changing things up. sorry so short! Katniss 'bout to stir the soup!**

Katniss' POV  
The next appointment is horrible. It feels so pointless. I am only doing this for- what? District Twelve? For the Capitol? Who? I have no leverage left. No fight. I am broken. But I realize I may just have a little fight left in me. A plan forms. I have to tough this out. Like I have nothing left in me. Which I basically don't. All I have left is a whole lot of anger, and a wish for nobody else to have to go through this. I must see Finnick about this. Right then, my client pushes me into the bed again. But I remember my last tie to this Earth. James. What would happen to him? I pray he'll be ok. But a sudden disappearance would be noticed by the public. I'll leave him a note or something. I know this plan ends with me dead. Dead or an example, if I'm lucky. The clock that's set beeps, signaling I have to go toy next appointment. I'm shoved into another dress and I quickly post a letter to Haymitch. I wrote it a while ago to be ready to post if I committed suicide, and I just add a ps. It reads-  
"Haymitch,  
I have to do this. I'm sorry. I know I'll be dead when you get this, and if my family is alive, send them my love. I need you to end this corrupt system.  
Katniss

PS- I needed a last hurrah. Watch my interview with Caesar Flickerman, it's on Sunday at eight. You didn't think I'd go out with a little kaput, did you? I'm going out in style- a big bang." He'll understand. I seal it and stick it, unnoticed, in a post box. Soon enough I'm back to my normal routine. (A/n I omitted a part i didn't feel like writing, she scheduled an appointment, kk? If you don't like it then f off. I dont care)  
Over the next few days, I have several appointments, and a party, but mostly I'm coached on how to react and all that during the interview. I ignore them. I am rather experienced, after all.

It's five minutes to interview time. My heart feels as if it'll pound out of my chest. I'm in a slutty red and orange dress, with a velvet pattern of tiny flames emblazoned on the long empire-waist dress. It's long sleeved, with a corset top like a medieval dress, swooping to the floor. I briskly stride in to the tv studio. I hope Haymitch isn't too drunk to watch. Gracefully, I sit in the plush chair provided. Caesar shakes my hand.  
"Hello, Katniss, how are you?"  
"Quite well, you, Caesar?"  
"Wonderfully. I haven't had your lovely presence for a while."  
"I've been quite busy. However, I came on tonight especially to address one issue," I say, sticking to the script for the sake of it.  
"Yes, that would be the scandalous picture of you and the President's grandson?"  
"I wouldn't call it scandalous. I would like to say I actually had no knowledge that I was speaking to the president's grandson, I was told I'd have an appointment during the party, I didn't find out till afterward he was who he was," I lie through my teeth.  
"Appointments?"  
"Ah, I see what you mean. I have an agent who does my schedule. She manages several of us, like Finnick."  
"You know Finnick Odair?"  
"Why yes, we're rather good friends. But I know his mistresses, so don't worry," I say with a wink.  
"Ah. So, Katniss, we know you've been around the block, but do you have a suitor?"  
"No, I am currently single, but, in your terms, have been strolling the block," I answer, again with a wink.  
"I see. However, I thought there were boys falling at your feet at home."  
"Ah, but I moved out to the Capitol soon after my Games." I sweat a little, the interview will soon draw to a conclusion, where my plan will come in.  
"Now, we heard about a tragic accident with your family. I'm sorry to pry, but could you explain?"  
"That's a long story. Seven months after my games, the Capitol threatened to kill my family if I didn't become a Capitol prosti-" a gunshot rings out, and I scream, "They kill!" Barely before the bullet penetrates my heart.

Dun dun dun. by the way if you read my other story, jump, I will give you a virtual hug! r&r! ? ﾟﾐﾱ? those r buttercup -


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm vewwy vewwy sowwy! I know I'm being a horrible updater person! please forgive me!**

James POV  
I've been locked in my room since Saturday night. Exactly one week, four hours, and 8 minutes since she died. I was given a note afterwards. I haven't read it yet. I've heard you never get over your first true love.  
I haven't read the note yet. I decide i should. She was right, the capitol is evil. It may say something useful. I trudge over, and snatch it, almost afraid I'll be caught reading it or something. I climb under my dirty, rumpled comforter and read the note.  
"James,  
I'm sorry. Please move on. I know you'll think the Capitol wrote this, but it really was me. I - you.  
Katniss" There's a cut out box between I and you, where I hope love was. There's also a giant cut out box by her signature, and I see a smudge of lipstick playing on the edge of the second cut out. Nothing useful there that hasn't been cut out. But Katniss wouldn't ever misuse her last words. I begin searching the note. There's a smooth waxy texture on the back, but only in some places. It's in lines, like... Writing! I sit for and hour feeling the note and wondering what it could say and how to reveal it. After a few hours, I remember something I read in a banned book Katniss told me to read. She must've been planning this all along.  
"Clever, Everdeen," I whisper to myself. If you write with white crayon on white paper, it's invisible. But you can reveal it with lemon juice. I rush over to the food ordering station and order some salmon with a lemon. Squeezing it onto the paper, I discover a note. A bit is cut out by the boxes, but it's still readable.  
"James,  
Congrats on figuring out the lemon juice code. I have urgent news. Thirteen is still alive and well. A rebellion is coming. The rebels will kill you if you don't join their side now. You need to go to Thirteen if you don't want to die. I've made arrangements for you, go to Twelve.  
Katniss" Rebellion? Thirteen? Snow made an example of Thirteen long ago. Unless he didn't. Katniss doesn't lie. I guess I have to leave. I grab a pair of my plainest clothes, change into clean clothes, and push the bed up against the door like a barricade. I order some apples and bread and shove them with my clothes in a drawstring bag. Finally, I grab a lot of money, Katniss' note, and a few light things I can sell expensively. As an afterthought, I jam in my father's pocketwatch. I can't take my phone, as I'm fairly sure they're tracking it. I just hope they're not tracking me.  
A quick, light kick shatters the window. I jump out, glad I requested not to have peacekeepers guard my window and take self defense classes instead. I realize I have no idea where I'm going besides Twelve. I remember a rail map of Panem I saw once, I should be able to follow the rails to Twelve, maybe hitch a train? Then I realize I'll be being tracked down. I jump back in my window. Lucky nobody heard my window shatter. I grab a spray on tan and tan my skin a bit, then use an eyebrow pencil to give me an arrogant look. Finally, I cut my hair. Unevenly, but nevertheless different. I rub some hair growing stuff from when I got gum in my hair and had to cut it off on my chin and upper lip. It doesn't work immediately but it will. I stare in the mirror. I look pretty much the same. I need something drastic. Not makeup, or a bad haircut. A different color of skin? No. Hair? Yes, at least a start. I grab a platinum blond dye, but it won't match my to-be-grown beard. Let's see... Ahh. Electric blue. I follow the instructions, and soon I've gone Capitol. But... I grab an old stick on tattoo from when I was little. I plaster it to my face. I contemplate putting in bright colored contacts, but they'll irritate my eyes if I don't take them out. I put some in my bag for if I'm out in public. Finally, I take some earring studs from when friend who wanted me to pierce my ears gave them to me and wince at the pain as I shove them in. I cover them in disinfectant. I wish I had time for some Capitolian surgery. But I don't, so this will have to do. I chug three bottles of water and head out for the rails.  
It's hard to sneak by a guard. Especially a Capitol one. In front of the President's mansion. I finally end up chucking a stone in one's eye, and the others all look as he cries in pain. I bolt when they aren't looking. Sneaking through alleys, I make it to the rail station and plod parallel to them in a small forested area.  
Walking lets you think. Gives you time to ponder what it means when somebody's gone. Are they really gone? Or maybe just finished. Completed. Like the socks my mother used to knit all the time. They'd be knit, and knit, and knit, until there was a full sock on the needle. Then, she'd slip it off, and it wouldn't be gone. Just away from the rest of the unfinished socks. Prim was a sock finished early. Maybe Katniss and Prim are in the same sock drawer. Maybe Katniss and I are a pair of socks. Then I remember Peeta. And her notorious "cousin". Maybe we aren't. But how can I ever know if Katniss really loved any or all of us? I guess I'll find out when I'm finished. Maybe Katniss doesn't really have a match. You pair her with different socks on different days. I shudder inwardly. Katniss was never a player. More like a little girl on mental steroids. (A/n those don't exist I think...)  
Luckily, after a ten mile hike, I find a train stopped for repairs. I check nobody's watching and jump in the cargo car full of boxes and boxes of luxurious wares. It will be my home until the train turns around. In a few minutes, the train sputters and starts up at a high speed again. Within twenty minutes, we're at District Five. They load up another cargo car and zoom off.  
I doze through Districts Five through Nine. Slightly rested for once, I wish I'd eaten something before I left. I only have a few apples. I decide to dig for something. I have to hop train cars, but I find a few sandwiches in District Three's mechanical graveyard, ready to be recycled. I'm not used to being hungry, this new sensation of hunger I can't seem to fill with sandwiches. I realize it's been there all of thirteen days and four hours since Katniss died. It's where Katniss was. She had hacked into my heart and nestled herself in a corner. It was warm and pink and full of wonder. But when she died, it became blackened. Dead. The blackness is eating away at my heart.  
A peacekeeper enters the car. I pull him into a headlock. Nobody can know I'm here. I snap his neck. Painless, quick. His death was easier than Katniss', or than mine will be if I'm discovered. To be cautious, I dress in his uniform and cloak. I discover he has some dried fruit in his pocket. I stuff it in the pack, not wanting to lose it. Finally, I disguise my pack in the peacekeeper's. He has a radio. I leave it in the District Three car, dump his body now in my clothes off the train undetected (them thinking I'm dead's just a bonus). I realize my heart really is gone. I'm a... murderer. But I remember Flora, a thirteen year old victor I got to meet last year. The way her voice shook... She couldn't make eye contact with me. A few minutes into our one sided conversation, she burst into tears. "You do this to us!" she screamed, dragged out of the room. She was shot in front of my eyes. She was a murderer, too. So is, no, was, Katniss. Even Peeta. I scowl in disgust at the mere thought of him. He almost took away my Kat. At the same time, though, like a child. Innocent and unsuspecting. We are all murderers for letting this happen. The death of our children is our fault. All of them are dead because we didn't say no.  
I realize we are in Eleven. This constant thought has taken up much time; I have to get off now. However, I swing by the District One car. There are some bicycles sitting idly in he corner. It will be hard, but its worth the risk. I pull one over the top of the car and jump with it. I push it into the woods, and hide it behind a tree. I wait for the train to flee, then take off in a hurry. Sadly, it doesn't work in the woods, so I take it in to the small unused road by the railways. I remember the look of it by heart from the time in third grade when I snuck away after my father hit me. Of course I didn't get this far, but it looks the same all the way down. I can remember being starving, as I hadn't brought any food even though I was only gone for about three hours. I'm glad I did now, I'd never know how to get to a road without it.  
They must be looking for me by now. It's been a week since I left. I'm surprised I wasn't caught on the train. I see a car coming down the abandoned stretch of road and jump into the woods. It proves to be a primitive hovercraft, flying low to the ground, which I mistook for a car from the Dark Ages. The time before Panem. It's seemingly searching for most likely me. I crouch in the bush I'm hiding, hoping hey won't see the bike. I should probably camouflage my bike, as it's quite glittery and meant for a tween girl, but my immediate problem is the craft in front of me. I'd better get to Twelve quickly, so that Thirteen, or whoever can pick me up. I regret my hasty spur of the moment decision for a second, then realize I shouldn't until I've failed. The craft has a logo painted on the side: an eagle, some arrows, and what I think are wheat stalks. In spraypaint: AT LEAST WE WERE FREE IN THE DARK AGES. I assume this is Thirteen, maybe? But Katniss would know if Thirteen was stupid, and a rebel group going with an obvious symbol of rebellion visible clearly is stupid. She wouldn't have put me in danger.  
"Or would she?" a nagging voice in my mind questions. The car screeches to a halt. Two people in black tuxes step out.  
"What's this nonsense about sparkles and bushes?" Oh shit.  
"I- I saw a sparkly ribbon in the bushes and- and thought..." a timid voice from the second man stutters.  
"Well, let's see if you stopped the car for nothing or what." He shoves open the bush next to me. "See? Nothing." I quietly let out a whoosh of breath I was holding in. "What was that?" Fuck. He shines one of those super bright flashlights straight into my eye. I wince, they're designed to hurt people's eyes. "Was it me, or did that bush just move?" He peeks into the bush, and sees me, cowering in the bush. "Who do we have here? Another Capitol lapdog?"  
"N-no. I'm in disguise," I whisper in a choked tone.  
"And why are you in disguise?"  
"I'd be killed, like Kat." I curse under my breath. Mentioning Kat won't help my case. The first man, who's questioning me, turns to the other.  
"He's a Thirteen."  
"Wait, if you aren't Thirteen, who the hell are you?"  
"We are the ones slipped away from Districts. We are the truly free ones. Thirteen would just have reinstated the Games."  
"Oh, really? And what do you call this grouping?"  
"We call it America."


	17. Chapter 17

**Nobody is really reading this anymore, I'm gonna shoot the horse and end this story. If anybody wants to, you can PM me and you can adopt it, but this is the end. It's a little abrupt, but I want to focus on jump and... ;( sorry. **

James' POV

"America? Where'd you come up with that?"  
"No matter. How do you know Katniss?"  
"No matter," I say, imitating his nasally tone," If you can say it, so can I."  
"Woah, don't turn into a stubborn little kid on us. Tell us."  
"N. O. That's private," I say, I want to feel like I have Katniss to myself for once.  
"N. O. That's private," the man says, in a deep voice mimicking mine, he sounds ridiculous.  
"I'm not an idiot," I remember using this trick (exact same words) as a small child.  
"I'm a big idi- hey!" he proclaims. I laugh loudly.  
"Think about what you're saying, idiot, don't immediately go for the negative or not the negative."  
"You've won this time!" he screams in fury.  
"You've won this time!" I scream in a high-pitched Barbie voice.  
"Shut up!"  
"Shut up!"  
"Fine. I'm a big butthead."  
"Yes, you are. Shouldn't you have learned this trick?"  
"Shut up." Another agent 'escorts' him to the car.  
"Are you done being an ignorant child?" the other agent says.  
"Why, yes, sir. Now why don't we discuss what needs to be discussed?"  
"We have a few questions."  
"So do I. I propose a trade: an answer for an answer."  
"Fair enough. I'll start. Who are you?"  
"James Snow. Grandchild of the infamous president of Panem and rebel. Will you please explain America to me?"  
"Wait. James Snow?"  
"That's another question. Answer America first."  
"Oh. America was the world before Panem. It was a country. Now, James Snow. Why are you here?"  
"That is a long story. Quite a long story. We've not enough time. I'm just going to say the Capitol stole something very precious from me. Someone very special. Now, my question,hmm... I guess... What would be different about America than Panem or Thirteen?"  
"America's goals are to reform the democratic republic it used to have. The citizens voted for their rulers, and there was no single ruler with complete power. Three branches, departments, had equal power. The rulers were switched out in different yearly intervals. Everyone had to approve laws before they became laws. You had freedom of speech. If you wanted to say fuck the government, you could scream it in the middle of the town square. There would be no Hunger Games. No capital punishment. No hanging, whipping..."  
"Sounds wonderful."  
"It is. And you're quite powerful, as a rebel from so high up. I'd rather make you a friend than an enemy."  
"What are you saying?"  
"Would you like to be a rebel of America?"  
"You mean join your side?" I don't think there's another out from here.  
"You could say that."  
"You have a deal."


End file.
